Do what you love and don't dwell on past regrets

Dream on, as they all say.

I was a leader for some organization, exactly what god only knows. I made a woman angry and she shortly sent all her infantrymen in suits to get a hold of me. I ran away as fast I could and found a hiding spot under a street. The spot was so small that I didn't even know how I got under there. One of my sidekicks suggested we go under and we did. We both crouched down, our knees pulled up to our chests, embryonic amid darkness. We hid there until her infantrymen gave up. One of them however, bent down and seemed to recognize us but he never did anything. He just stared at us, or maybe even the darkness. But we were still crouched.

Then I woke up.


It was a rainy day here. Not even a hint of the sun was visible in the sky. Just drips of raindrops and gray skies. As usual I had my breakfast and did my typical duties. Another monotonous day with rain on the side. Bleh. Paradise lost.

My cell rang. Just who could it be. It was from a girl that I barely knew and I'm sure she thought the same of me.
"Hi, uhh," there was a pause. "Where am I right now?"
My expression was a blank. For a second my mouth didn't cooperate with my reactions. It was its own separate part doing its own separate thing. What was this girl saying?
"I beg your pardon?"
"Where am I."
"Where are you...?"
"Yes, where am I?"
This girl wasn't your typical teenage girl. I met her in college and all the time she was a quiet one who only talked when she absolutely needed to. Often wore simple clothes, never wore dresses, and instead of guys, she was fond of kittens. We exchanged numbers only because we were in a group together and we needed some way to communicate with each other. Why on earth would she call me now... and why me?
"I... don't know..." I said.
"I need to know because I have a meeting in twenty minutes and I'm wondering where I am," she spoke each word very carefully and clearly, as if she was one of those automated announcers you'd hear in the subway.
"Is there a reason you're asking me about this?"
No answer.
I gave up. "Well are you even in America?"
"Yes."
"Isn't there a sign that tells you where you are? Pull out your phone and open up maps. Ask a passerby for god sakes."
"I'd rather not. I want you to tell me."
I was perplexed... nonplussed... All the words that literally described confused. We barely talked to each other during college and it was utterly random for her to call me on a rainy, gloomy day like this.
"How did you even schedule this meeting of yours? Can't one of the people you're having a meeting with help you out? Do you have their number?"
Silence.
"Describe what you see around you," I had to do it.
She took her time, probably observing her surroundings. "Cars, trees, roads..."
"Okay you need to be a little more specific than that. That could be anywhere."
She signed. Then another long pause. So long that what I had just said seemed like something I said days ago. "I see a huge electronic store in front of me and people walking with umbrellas."
Now I signed. At least she was somewhere close. I was this close to hanging up the phone until she blurted,
"Oh I figured it out."
The line cut. No goodbye, just an abrupt

KCHICK.

My cellphone was still against my ear. I heard nothing but silence. What the hell was that all about, I said to myself over and over. Such an odd way to start off a day. Where am I? Oh I figured it out!

KCHICK!

A waste of my time and her's.


More and more I've been thinking about cars. Since I was a child I have been a huge fan of them. Used to collect toy Tomica cars, die-cast cars, you name 'em. I still have a bucket full of them somewhere in my room. Now that I'm legal enough to drive I think about the real cars. Cars that I can actually fit in, ignite the engine, and drive. After watching Fast 6 I thought more about cars.

I pulled out the sequel, Tokyo Drift and watched it twice. An action packed movie. I became a fan of the Mazda RX7. No way I'd be able to get that Veilside kit.


The rain abated. I opened a window and out came the scent of wet air. Being alone was something I needed to stop investing in my personal, human capital. Each day would pass as if cars were outrunning me in an expressway. There I was walking in the narrow edge of the road, walking while the cars endlessly zoomed right past me. Most of my friends were spending time with their girlfriends and boyfriends, graduating, and enjoying their time at prom.


"What have you been doing for the past weeks?" My friend asked as we were sitting at a cafe. I called her up and luckily she had some time to squeeze me in somewhere for a quick lunch in her schedule. Her summer job was at a local hospital somewhere downtown.
"Not the greatest," I spoke. "Writing stories, reading, jogging, taking strolls, and working out at my local dojang."
"Sounds like a lame summer so far," she laughed.
"It's getting there," I didn't know what to say.
She took a sip of her chai latte and stared at the passing scenery outside. Gazing almost at something far beyond her view. She looked back in my direction seconds later. She was wearing tight jeans shorts, a white tank top with a loose, white cardigan. Her black, silky hair was tied into a bun.
"Forgive me for being so out of the blue here, but what's your motto," she said. "I'm just curious. Do you have one?"
"Do what you love and don't dwell on past regrets," I made it up just for this moment but that's basically how I lived by.
She repeated my motto and thought about it while running her index finger around the rim of her latte. It took me a while before I noticed that the ice in my coffee was melting and that I barely took a sip from it.
"I like that. Simple and true. It reminds me of working in the hospital," she said. "You know working here isn't all that straightforward and easy. It takes dedication, patience, and determination. You gotta be fearless. It's a place where we save lives! A place where births and deaths occur, a place where a lot of emotions are expressed. We're dealing with some serious business here. Just because I'm one of the many interns here doesn't mean that I don't feel like a doctor. Being here gives me the feeling that I'm responsible. Gotta handle tasks, gotta save lives, heal the wounded! Now of course I don't have the right to do that and all I basically do is handle databases and organize paperwork, but you get in that mindset, you know?"
I nodded, took slow sips of my ice-melted coffee and waited for her to continue.
"It's a demanding task to see injured patients run in and out from the hospital and see them in stretchers with Oxygen masks. Ambulance sirens coming from a distance, the smell of that linoleum flooring. But that's what a hospital is. And that's what I'm interested in. Saving lives, healing people, making them feel better more and more. That's why I'm interning here. Seeing what's it's like interests me. I'm doing what I love and not dwelling on past regrets."
"Did you have something else you wanted to do before studying pre-med?" I asked.
"I was pretty fond of philosophy. I had a liking for Nietzsche, Plato, and Aristotle. Even Benedict de Spinoza. My interest in their works grew rapidly over time. So much that I spent my time holed up in my room for days reading and studying their ideas. My parents were concerned that I was sick or that there was something wrong, but I told them I was fine. Just indulging in some philosophy. But by the end of junior year in high school I got interested in pre-med, not because all of my friends were thinking about it, but because I was personally interested. The very nature of healing the human body and learning all about it alone got me. I'm not those people who jump on the bandwagon and major in something just because it's the most versatile or because everyone else does it. Deep down there has got to be something else that you're passionate about. And that's the most important thing, I believe. Have you're own morals and study what you love, just like you mentioned, Sean. I turned down becoming a philosopher and decided to go doctor."
"That's a great way to go," I told her.
"I'm glad you concur with my decisions. I guess I'm going to have to steal your motto and make it mine as well," she smiled and then, seconds later, broke into a cheerful laugh.
"Get your own!" I teased.
"Oh please, it's a freaking motto. Besides I didn't have one. If I was forced to have one it would've been  You Only Live Once," she raised both hands in the air and rolled her eyes.
We shared laughs.

She eventually scurried back to the hospital while I went back to aimlessly strolling around town. I had on some shorts, a striped shirt, and a pair of Vans. Your typical skateboarder look. Sunglasses on, I went to the electronic store to try to get my hands on the latest Animal Crossing game. Sold out, I headed back out and made a pit stop at a nearby fast food restaurant and bought some hot dogs. Pina Colada to wash it down. I sat down on a bench near the subway station munching away while blankly staring at the passersby coming back from work. A crowd of them would walk out from the station every second, the high heels from the women clicking against the asphalt. Somewhere there was jazz music playing as it echoed throughout the station plaza. Across from me there was a woman with her legs in a pretzel position intently listening to her music, and a guy in a power suit casually talking to someone on the phone with a leather filecase clutched in his arm. The rest were sitting like me, taking a rest in the evening rush hour. People who, seemed as if they didn't want to go home just yet. There I started to hum, out of nowhere, Kendrick's 'Cups'. It was on the radio and the melody must have gotten in my head.


I worked out at the dojang in the evening with some athletes. Partnered up with a third degree black belt as we alternated kicking drills and combinations on the pads. A good way to let out the stress, I figured all the time. Turning kicks, double kicks, narabams, double kick spinning hook, para chagi, back kicks, cut kicks, all of them. Trained until my dobak and shirt were drenched in sweat. Among us in the dojang were elite athletes, one of which was seeded.

I went home and took a long shower. Changed into some nice sleepwear and lay down on the sofa, my hands behind my head, gazing at the bare ceiling. Sometimes, that's the only thing I can do.