BABY I want you to have your own space. I don't want you to lose feelings for me. That's the last thing I ever want. I couldn't sleep because I thought about it all night. We just need some days off. We need to balance it out. That's all. That way our relationship will be much stronger.

On a normal chilly night here on campus, I play some casual table tennis with my friend after nibbling on a sandwich. Then I head to the library to get some work done.

I feel like I've been slacking these days. And it is nobody's fault. Been struggling with Japanese and did subpar on a quiz for another class. I guess I'm just not in that study mode yet. During the day I feel an aura of a dull vibe seeping in and around me. The sight of students walking around while taking in the campus drone is somehow unappealing. Opening classroom doors, climbing up the stairs, walking from one class to the next, opening up a textbook, grabbing a seat for an upcoming class thinking about how long you have to be there, among other daily, inevitable, dull rituals. Imagine if there was something happening. Something hair raising. Because if you think about it, without something happening, nothing would happen. Journalists need news events and incidents in order to report stories, surgeons need the ill to heal them, firefighters need fire in order to wash it away and save lives. Without happenings, we all would just be figures of nothingness. In our case, though, our happenings is studying, which can be dull and boring. But what can we do about it. We are at a phase in our lives where that is pretty much essential. Students need assignments and work in order to learn about certain subject material and become better acquainted with it for the near future. Without it, we would be pretty much partying, drinking----that is, being figures of nothingness.

Lectures are monotonous and most of them strictly require participation. I'm the type of person who does not prefer to, but at this point what can you do.

山下先生は家でテレビをご覧になりました。お茶を召し上がったあと、ベッドに寝転んでお休みになりました。

I've neither studied nor been exposed to this formal keigo style Japanese that much in the past thus it's been pretty new to me.

Some updates I guess worth noting is the fact that I've been more active in the taekwondo club on campus. I taught a mediocre class with my other club mate, and made it into the demo team with my girlfriend-- something I am very proud of her for.

Winter break reflections

And just like that, winter break comes to a close. It seems to go by quick but the more I think back and look at the pictures of what I've done, the more it seems like it wasn't. Most of the time I've been in California. In fact I just came back from an early flight from San Francisco, sleepy as ever. The very next day I head back to college. At this rate it seems as if there is no time to lose. But I wish I did have one more day here at home. Some of the highlights of this break is spending time with my mother, spending time with my wonderful cute girlfriend, and training with the taekwondo team amongst athletes from schools in California, namely Stanford. The team trip to San Francisco was great, as I had the opportunity to train with elite athletes and get to know a little more about them. Workouts were tough but that is the only way to get better and improve. It was well worth the time and effort.

In the last day we all went to beach and watched the sunset. One of the beautiful natural happenings. The view was fantastic as we stared at the sun slowly sink down the horizon, the waves crashing by the rocks.

When the sun sank down, that was the moment where I thought that not only did the taekwondo trip came to a close, but also my winter break.

Coincidence how my girlfriend also went to San Fran and then when she came back home, I went to San Fran. And how we went to the same landmarks and attractions.

Each day is closer.

When I come home, at long last, 

our lips touch again. 

mid winter break

The temperature rises up to the mid 50s but the rainy weather makes the day all the more depressing. It rained all day. I dutifully took two taekwondo classes to work up the sweat, came home, showered, read a few pages of a book, and went on a neighborhood stroll. Throughout the entire day, I've been having a mild headache which felt rather unpleasant, and I still have it. Probably due to the sudden rigorous workout from tkd or the drastic rise of the temperature.


You know how people come home from college and see their old friends whether it be from the people they hung out with in high school or the people they knew since childhood? Well, after thinking about it for the longest time while ensconced on my desk chair, I came to figure out that I don't really have anyone to see. I didn't have the contact numbers from the people I knew from high school, and even if I did, they barely knew me enough to hang out. Coming back to your home city should generally be a great feeling, but in my case, besides the ambiance of my hometown, being home, and my mother, there was really nothing else.

"You don't have any friends from high school?" one person asked. "They are usually the people you are friends with for the rest of your life. How do you live? Do you have any friends at all?"

Well, to answer that guy's question, I know a few friends from taekwondo and some old friends outside of high school. Even if I went to my high school reunion, which hasn't really happened yet, I'd probably have a longer chat session with my past teachers than with my classmates. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a teacher's pet. I just somehow didn't really get along that well with my classmates. But they were extremely nice students, decent was not even the word. Amongst the liberal intelligentsia, it was a very safe environment and bullying never once occurred. Or maybe it was me since I didn't really motivate myself to go out there and join clubs and commit to that many activities back then. Senior year nobody asked me to sign their yearbook and, feeling dejected, nobody signed mine either. When one of them saw me walking down the street I'm sure they wouldn't recognize me.

I guess that's just how it went.

But each year when I look back at the regretful things I've done in the past, I slowly learn from them and sometimes have the nagging urge to say "what the hell was I thinking" or "why in the world did I do that".

So why in the world did I not make legitimate friends in high school?

Anyway enough of my rocky high school life.

Today I got an email from my college notifying me that I have a new roommate. As frequent blogger readers of mine know, I've had bad luck with roommates. I have yet to have one that I dorm with for the entire year. Last time in my previous college my roommate transfered after the fall and this year my roommate left without a word in the fall. Meanwhile I see freshmen rooming with the people of their choice. Jealous. Hopefully my new roommate will be nice and understanding.

Then again I had a friend who also lived in the same quad and around the end of the fall semester, we were discussing about whether or not we should room together since his roommate also left. But laziness took over us, and he also got an email with information about his new roommate. Fail.

In a few days I'm headed to the west coast to train amongst taekwondo athletes from prestigious universities. In order to prepare, I'm slowly working out, building my stamina, and body strength. I ran outside for a full hour in a steady pace.

More and more I've been missing my girlfriend as she is out of town. I wish she was right here with me.

How much are you going to miss me?

On a chilly, winter evening she and I walked along Chinatown, taking in the bitter breeze seeping through  us. While holding hands with our hands in her right coat pocket, we aimlessly took a stroll through the busy streets. A mix of English and Chinese spoken here and there from the passersby. Drivers honked, infuriated by the unnecessary creation of traffic on the road. A man leisurely was smoking his cigarette, the smoke silently billowing up in the air. A flock of birds flew around the sky in a circular motion, whimsically exploring the freedom of being above ground. Despite the freezing temperatures these past few days, teenagers were playing basketball at the courts, and the kitchen staff with nothing but t-shirts had a cigarette and chatted with each other in their own distinct dialect. The constant drilling from the construction a few blocks away echoed the entire town unpleasantly. Meanwhile here we were, she and I, just the two of us together, peacefully in our own little world, strutting down the street in love yet at the same time, saddened by the fact that we could not see each other for a while.


"How much are you gonna miss me?" she asked.
"I can say the word 'so' so many times," I said. "As many as the windows up there in that apartment building."
"Well I can say it as many as the stars in the sky," she said.
"Now that was good."
We shared laughs.

In order to fight the bitter cold and take a breather, we stopped by a bakery and munched on some snacks. Among us were a long line of locals buying bread and cake of all sorts. Undifferentiated chatter. English was not even heard. We grabbed a seat, but the cold air found its way to scurry in from the doors. Hoping to keep her warm, I put my arm around her and sat tightly next to her to try to block the cold wind. If only it worked.

The sun descended as the time flew miraculously, and evening arrived. Time seemed to go by faster when you were with people you really love. We made our way to the train station and we embraced each other as it was about time that she had to go. I was to head back home. We kissed, hugged, and stared into each other's eyes. Letting go of her hand almost made me shed a tear. As I entered the turnstile to the subway I walked towards the station platform. I looked behind at her and waved as I walked ahead. The more I walked ahead, the more I couldn't see her. How could I walk away from my baby like that? When I got to the end of the path and looked back once more I couldn't see her. She got mixed with the crowd.

 I was sitting on the train, listening to the monotonous clattering of the tracks hitting the wheels. With a sigh, I stared at the empty seat in front of me.

_____

The grip of her hand touching mine, her soft lips, her beautiful little smile, her eyes, her everything all come to me as I write this at home, alone, missing her being with me. I look at the palms of my hands, imagining her holding them.

That night I looked up in the sky, fixating my eyes on the infinite number of stars scattered above.

Love till infinity.

LA

I'm back from LA and already longing for its enviable weather. As soon as I got outside I am instantly greeted with chilly winds in the teens. In addition we got remnants of snow here and there from the supposed blizzard that swept the city a couple of days ago. In other words I go from sunny, summer-like weather to literal , chilly winter, as if I time traveled from summer to winter.

As a first time LA visitor, I enjoyed the trip. Went to a Lakers game, took a stroll on Hollywood Boulevard, and hung out at the nostalgic Santa Monica beach/pier with my mom, taking in the shimmering oceans and the fancy hotels and houses.

Sometimes I'd see some strange occurances that I feel that I could only observe in LA. One is the fact that there is so many extra space here, from building interiors to the streets and roads. Because LA is not as densely populated as NYC and many choose to drive as their main commute, not so many people are always walking down the street, even on weekends, except for homeless men who frequently ask you for some change more than in NYC. Thus store employees are seen working with little to no customers as they play their music of choice on the speaker systems. I heard once a Mexican, fiesta-like song in one store and an Arabic song in another. Interesting.

Overall though this was a blast. And seeing those palm trees stand tall while taking in the Hollywood sign was something I've always wanted to do. Thank you, mom :)