These days I want to have a passion for something. Writing is nothing. It has to have some substance, some core element. Writing itself is like a car without the engine. We need the engine in order for it to move-- in other words, we need a topic to write about. A subject matter. Anyone can write. It's the idea of having a knowledge for something to write about.

Right now I feel like I know nothing. I'm stupid. I want to take up something. I want to go back and play the violin. Have a passion for something. Go and try out new things, take new classes, explore different places. Be productive as frequent as possible.

Everyday for me it's just the usual classes. No excitement, no parties. Weekends I spend my time alone in the pool, library, or at the dorm. I used to party frequently last semester, but I slowly began to drift away from that phase because I found out that it wasn't that fun. If anything I'd rather go to a cafe or a bar and casually drink there. Controlled music, relaxed vibe.

Recently things are just not the same. There's no excitement. No pleasure. My friend doesn't routinely eat with me anymore after our class, and immediately heads straight to the bus. I haven't spoken to a girl in months, except for one girl who's good friends with the suite.

"Everyone's escaping from me," I said, at the stack of books in the library.

How is it up here?

Well, it's cold and it's boring. Nothing much new.

The 101 suite is pretty much the same.

My friend recently had bought my roommate the last store-copy of the newest Monster Hunter for the 3DS. After several hours of play, he rants about how much the game sucks. But based on how much time he spends playing it, there's no doubt that it's enjoyable.

Meanwhile I had whiled away my hours with Netflix.

My other friend, Mr. Star, had completely cut ties with me, so it seemed, and now spent all his time with his girlfriend. For him, nothing in the world was more important than her.

His ex-roommate, of course, was probably smoking marijuana and cigarettes and god knows what else.

"N", a Japanese foreign exchange student, went to the city for one day just to get a whopping $60 haircut at a Japanese salon. The next day he was to move to a new dorm because he disliked his roommate.


Then, of course, there are the fibbers. A girl once invited me for some ramen together and then she forgot about it on the day we were supposed to go. My friend never once showed up to taekwondo class when he had told me multiple times that he will "definitely be there."

"You weren't there," I would say.

Then he'd either come back with an excuse about how his girlfriend made him stay or how he knocked out on his bed. Those were his two go-to excuses. Then I'd start to lose trust in them. Then again, I'd see students who don't clean up their own mess at the dining hall. Literally there are some people who just don't get it and need to grow up and learn. Sometimes I feel like I'm so out of place. I'm either not committing to things more enough or just in the wrong place.

The things you want can never really happen, while the things you don't want often happen. I guess that's just how life operated. I guess that's why we write fiction.

The weather is down to -2 F, probably the coldest I've had to bear. I zipped up my jacket all the way up, and wrapped my scarf up to the top of my nose. The dangerously cold wind chills froze my legs. I'm not looking forward to this unbearable weather.

In the meantime my friends and I went swimming. It was the first time I swam in years and it felt nostalgic.

What does it mean when a girl talks, flirts, and plays around with your friends except you? She either totally loathes me or likes me. Two very different possibilities.

Writing this as my roommate is eating a wrap completely filled with peanut butter.

I feel like I'm at that phase where the things I'm learning are forced and lead to nowhere. The readings, the handouts. All the dull pages of text that put me to sleep word after word. The what-am-I-learning type of feeling. Walking to class is always a pain especially from all the snow. Clumps of white ice blankets the entire road and sidewalks. Snow continues to fall endlessly. Expecting another storm on Thursday, and another one on Valentine's day weekend, according to my suitemate. I'm beginning to really hate snow.

Not much these days really motivate me. Classes are dull as ever. I take notes, listen, doze off, and leave when it ends. At random times I miss Japan and my home back in the city. I miss having real food. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm secluded, especially living on a suburban campus. Feel stuck, not much around. I have relatively the same type of food at the same dining hall. If I want to change my mood I can't really go anywhere beyond campus because there's really not much around. 

So it all comes down to the people. The friends. Usually I'm always the one to initiate, gather groups, and decide what to do. I gather my friends, regardless if they don't really know each other, and schedule something for all of us to do such as swimming, shopping at the mall, etc. Because in the end, what else is there to do? 

Every morning, I'd wake up around 9:45 and trek to the dining hall for breakfast. The time where the dining hall has nothing but bagels and cereal. Hot food such as scrambled eggs and bacon are served earlier but because I can't wake up that early, I just make do with my bagel and cereal. 

Shortly after I make my way to the library to review the stuff for my classes. If there's an upcoming test or quiz, well, then I study for that. Then class time, where all the students, in all directions, speed walk to their classes. 

I end class at 2:35 most days, and it's exactly the time when the dining halls close for hot food again. So then I have to make do with hamburgers, salad, and pasta-- something that even more brings me down. 

In the evenings everyday, I'm pretty much busy with taekwondo. It kind of gets me everytime. You feel like you're done for the day after going to all your classes, but nope, you still got taekwondo.

Once again, if you're not going to do it, then don't tell me.

And if you aren't going to stick to the plan, TELL me!


There are way too many times where I'm left with no updates. I'm already pissed off from my knee, which I hurt during taekwondo. I can still walk, but on occasions it still bugs me. I'm off to the health center next week and really hope that it's nothing serious.

"Aw I really hope it's nothing serious either," Melon said. "Poor boy."

When you're dedicated to a club, it basically takes over your life, especially if it also meets during weekends. 

Today I went on a shopping spree and got a haircut with friends. 

Tomorrow is the day where I am 95% sure that I will spar at taekwondo. Something I haven't done in ages. Boy that's going to be fun... It takes me back to those good old days when I was still a double black stripe training for my black belt. 

After that who knows. A girl I know invited me to have some ramen with her but still unsure about that. Then my friend invited me to get turned up but still also unsure about that. 

The more it goes by, the more worse and dull and terrible it gets. 

Everyday I go to the nearest dining hall from my dorm and always get there when they don't have hot food, which is around eleven in the morning. All they usually have are bagels, toast, and cereal. I end class everyday around two in the afternoon, and again, the dining hall is open, but only serves burgers, spaghetti, and pizza. Something they call "late lunch." And I can't help it because that's how my schedule works. Then in the evening almost everyday I have taekwondo, and it ends at 9-- the time when all the dining hall closes. If I go before then I'm gonna have to walk out in the cold and training before eating is unhealthy. It's terrible. I can never eat a decent meal recently. Dining halls should really consider serving food based on the schedule of classes.