The Abbey Road album is flowing from Tadao's earphones while his eyes are shut. The train rattles, back and forth we go, in continuum. As he meditates, or, rather, sleeps in thought, he reflects on his current life. His friends all have steady jobs, getting a position before him. For a year, he's been looking everywhere, applying to dozens and dozens of locations, only to be ignored or declined.

His luck has been so down the drain that he is beginning to feel that his words are cursed, one look at his work experience and his resume goes to shreds. While others get accepted, promoted, and move on up, Tadao slides away in a different corner.

Nobody sends him messages, not even his friends. He's drowning in student loans. His girlfriend is in another country, and isn't as reachable. A coworker he'd worked with suddenly stopped contacting him after Tadao left. He asked for a drink, only to be left out in the dark, a world of crickets. That person vanished somewhere beyond Tadao's reach.

In other words, nothing really made him happy, or motivated.

Everyday he'd come home exhausted and tired, with no incentive and strength to do anything but sleep. Work consisted of banal customer service, receiving criticisms, filing dull paperwork, escorting passengers (why can't they navigate the airport themselves?), answering the same questions on and on. Sooner or later he wouldn't be able to take it anymore. Days were dreadfully long. Passengers were usually cooperative but a pain to deal with nonetheless.

Since childhood, his dream is to become a pilot, but the tasks he deals with now is not even close to helping him achieve such a goal. Granted, it's still within the aviation world, but when it comes to the tasks, they are two different worlds. A glimmer of hope twinkled in when he got to briefly sit at the captain's seat of the 777-300ER, but to get there is not an easy feat. At the time he knew it's going to be a long, exhausting, hellish journey to be able to sit there again, in uniform.

However he couldn't get himself to believe that he hit a dead end. Somewhere, there is a light in the tunnel and he sees a glimpse. In due time, the light is bound to get clearer and brighter. At some point, something great will happen.


He's finally home from work after two hours of commuting. Immediately, he sets his briefcase on the chair, loosens his tie and unbuttons his drenched shirt. In the kitchen he cracks open a beer and collapses on the sofa. He opens the window and it's a muggy, humid evening, birds are chirping. The sun almost sets, darkness slowly ensues. Tadao gets up and changes into shorts and a tee. He flips open his laptop and begins applying to jobs.

I don't know who to trust anymore. Job boards are full of scam, swindling you in their company. What kind of society have we become.

People are incompetent, so limiting sometimes.

What the hell can I do. Where do I start. I can't get anywhere.

Damn damn damn

Meanwhile others have acceptances.

Damn damn damn.

But cheer up, you'll find something.

Sitting in the captain's seat of a Boeing 777-300ER was the key highlight of my life recently.

The days go by on and on with nothing to note. The most I would ever do is swim and work out at the sports club alone. I eat alone, take walks alone, and sleep alone. If someone told me to list the things I've done in the past month or so, it would probably remain blank.

I'd go to work and go straight home. Almost a year goes by since my graduation, and still no company has even an iota of interest in me. It's as if I possessed an air of hatred to them, after "careful" consideration. An employment recruiter spams me with job openings way off my radar. Rejection after rejection. Nothing gives me motivation anymore. Things just don't seem right. My high school reunion is in three months. They're bound to ask my whereabouts these days 99%. Not having anything would be such an embarrassment. In retrospect, fours years just fast-forwarded. College just flew by, like a dream. Four years of struggle, and the best kind of fun I've ever had. Then come graduation, and it dies down, where the real world awaits. Put on your suits, grab your suitcases, cram yourself in a rush hour train, and get yelled at your boss. Rinse and repeat.

"It's gonna take another what? 2 or 3 years for you to find something," someone told me.

At that moment I lost it. I couldn't stand hearing such a thing. I know I'm not that lousy. And I know that somewhere, someone would accept me.

Though I accept that this is only a temporary feeling. I'm having a hard time at the moment. Things will get back on track soon.

2017 made its way as the holidays slowly waned. Christmas trees that were once placed in warm living rooms adorned with ornaments were now piled up and littered in the cold streets as if they bore no meaning anymore, ready to be shredded. Be that as it may, several stores still had their holiday decorations up to cherish the remaining days of this wonderful time.

Looking back, 2016 was not half bad. The year I graduated. The year I started wearing glasses. The year I had the best time in my college career, where I partied hard, made new friends, studied abroad to Korea, and even found a lover and we're still going strong. It was a great year. I pushed myself in that year, and I plan to continue to challenge myself in 2017. Here's to many more fun adventures in 2017.


My girlfriend was off to Cancun for a few days with her friend, and I sent her off at the airport. Planespotting was a hobby of mine, but I couldn't really observe as many that time. I headed back to my work location, sat at a Starbucks, and read a paperback. It was a gloomy, rainy windy day. Come five hours in the air and she was in a heavenly world of sunshine. I imagined her bathing in the sun, capturing the sea breeze. It couldn't get any better for her. Without her, my reality began to spiral in odd ways.

My work proceeded in the usual form, nothing remarkable. Nothing exciting. My mind was always drifting somewhere else. It's amazing how I could interact with customers when my thoughts were elsewhere. Though on occasions I'd see the most random people I knew. One time my mother's friend who I haven't seen in years recognized me as I ringed her up during check-out, and today I saw my friend I worked with five years ago. For reasons unknown, I'd meet people I haven't seen in years.

After work though, something happened. One of my coworkers sped out the door and started crying. Walking outside in the darkness, I was right behind her. I had the urge to ask her if she's okay, but I couldn't get the courage to do so. I felt she wanted to be left alone, so that's what I did.

The next day, a man with a ski mask came in the store, wobbling his way toward me. I was manning the cashier that hour, and mentally prepared myself if anything happened. Eventually he stated that all his possessions have been stolen and he'd need to start from the bottom. He asked for a sample product, and we decided to let him have it. Manager took care of the rest.

What's more, there was a frequent customer I always seemed to notice. He would come in, browse around, and purchase an item in a swift, calm manner. Nobody probably noticed him except me, and he probably didn't notice me one bit, but I've come to notice his presence whenever he showed up to the store. Seeing him helped me come to realize that reality was operating, and time was ticking in normal fashion. It was part of a routine in my work; if I didn't see him visit the store once in a while, something was wrong.