2015 is soon coming to a close. In standard Japan time, it's currently 10:30 pm. Nothing really exceptional happened this year. It's probably the calmest year for me. Looking back, I can only say that I've learned a lot of lessons.

I wish for a happy and healthy 2016.



Some pointers about Tokyo compared to the US, or, more specifically, NYC:

- Less trash cans. On the flipside, there are bathrooms everywhere. Plus they're clean and technologically up to date.

- No public parks where you could just relax and leisurely play, say, some ball. Every recreational activity you could think of is indoors. There are a bunch of buildings with multiple floors.

- Trains are on-time, and when I mean on-time, not even a minute late. On those rare occasions where they are, they'd apologize.

- Talk on the phone in the train and all you'd get is reproachful looks. It's rude.

- Everyone is careful about everything. Probably from a sprinkle of Shintoism—people are considered gods, so everyone treats everyone with humble respect and politeness.

The End of the Fall

Shortly nighttime fell. Sipping on beer, I studied for a few hours and got some light casual reading done. I wrote. I didn't know how I felt. I was confused about my emotions. I wasn't mad but I wasn't happy either. Something I wanted to reveal I revealed, and now there's no secret to keep. I had nothing else to hide because I spilled them out. What was there left of me? Just the simple truth. A memory that could never be erased. Yet I didn't want to change anything.

What an odd circumstance. 

It was the last day for most people in my hall. Most of the exchange students left for home. Empty suites all throughout the floor. It didn't hit me until now that they were gone next semester. But like I told my friend, people come and people go. That's life.

"Wow. Journalist, Sean," she said.

I finally arrived home in the evening. I was the last to leave the suite, and felt like the last one to leave campus. It was a ghost town. The night before, I spent the day eating lunch and chilling with friends until the wee hours of the morning. Come four in the morning and one of my friends was to leave for Chicago. I wanted to say something to her before she left, but she was on the phone. Once everyone left, I went back to the suite and heaved a huge sigh, when someone knocked on my door.

"Someone fucked up the wall on the third floor," one of my friends said.

"How's that again?"

"Come with me," she said. "I don't understand how people have time to do this.."

Whereupon we went upstairs and there it was. A punctured wall. At least it was drywall and not filled with asbestos. An empty beer bottle was on the floor near the broken wall. We searched throughout the hall and patrolled the area for suspects. But no luck.


When I came home, after a four hour car ride back, I hugged my mom and sighed. I was back. She and I were both in smiles. While dragging my luggage to my room, I took a look around the place and thought to myself. Just one more semester and I was done with... college. I didn't want it to end for some reason. I wanted to have more fun, but time didn't seem to slow down. The semester came to a close, classes finished, people went back home. That's all. And it kept going, for generations. That's life.

Mutual Circles

It was a chilly evening. I rode the bus to the mall. Save for the young couple in the front and another lady sitting across from me, the bus was rather empty. I stared at the nighttime passing scenery. A row of red taillights followed the road. For some reason, I didn't have the urge to listen to music. While listening to the monotonous bus engine murmur and the bus driver announcing the stops, I thought about what I could do in the remaining few days I was here before break. 

 I went to the drug store to purchase some cosmetics and the department store to window shop. It was an hour before closing but there was still a reasonable number of people roaming around. I thought about making a pit stop to a bar, but hell I couldn't spend money like that. 

"Free sample?" the lady asked me when I passed the food court. A piece of chicken stabbed with a toothpick. I passed. 

I made my way to a body lotion store. One of my friends happened to work here so I figured why not make a visit. She was there carrying a box on her shoulder, hard at work. Holiday songs were serenading through the ceiling speakers. 

"Whatcha looking for?" she said. 

"A present for mom." 

"Good son you are," she said, putting the box down. "What kind of flavor does she like?"

I thought about it for a while. "I guess anything that's fruity." 

"Fruity... fruity," she roamed around the floor at guided me to one section. "Our newest. Holiday edition."

I sampled one. Pretty citrusy. She would like it, I thought. 

"We have the spray or the body cream. Might as well take both."

"Done." 

"Anything else you need?" 

"I'm good," I said. "When are you here until?"

"7:30 ish," she said. "Long day."

"You're doing well."

Once I paid, I made my way back to the bus station. The weather got chillier. Once the bus arrived, I heard someone call my name. It was a familiar voice and a familiar tone. I looked back and it was nobody other than my crush, who was with her friend. Just yesterday we agreed that we were nothing more than friends. What were the odds of bumping into her tonight. I sighed to myself and my hand began to lightly shake. 

"What did you buy?" she said. 

"Lotion."

"Lotion?" she dipped her head to one side in wonder. 

We went on the bus, and there I was, blank. I had a feeling I was going to see her somewhere tonight, and I was right. Somehow we both saw each other and found ourselves coming back from the mall. 

"How was your day?" I asked. 

"Boring. Woke up at 1, slept, worked out, went to the dining hall, and came to the mall."

"You buy anything?"

"Nope," she smiled. 

Her friend, however, was carrying a few shopping bags and was on the phone speaking in Korean. 

"Did you eat?" she asked. 

"Nope. Hungry as could be."

"Do you want rice?" 

"I'm good, thank you."

"You can mix it with ramen."

We went back to our rooms, and I took a shower. 

I looked out the window for the longest time, staring at nothing in particular. Norah Jones lulled me to sleep. 

The Beauty of Transience

There is a beauty in everything, but more precisely, transience. Certain beauty can only exist for a limited time, and that's why it's so beautiful. Autumn leaves ooze fire-like colors, then fall. Flowers bloom, then wilt. We live, then die. We cannot ride a fun roller coaster forever. Nothing is forever. Yet that impermanence is what makes life so wonderful and worth living. We assuage our desires with these impermanent features.

This is something that exists in our lives, forever. Cherishing what we have at the moment is what we must do. Sometimes, we can't help it. Sometimes we just have to deal with the situations. Perfection is flawed, and it can never happen. Why do people have bucket lists? 

Scene II:

I feel like a huge mass of something came out of me. I revealed something, and it's there forever. 

Operation Walmart 10:15

Exactly a year ago from today, this is what I wrote on my blog:

I grabbed my bag, put on my wool coat and trekked my way through, thankful that the snow finally subsided. The wind brushed the remnant snow left on the rooftop of a house as it ghastly billowed in the air. Cars were slowly passing through the icy roads. 

Fast forward to December 2015 and it hasn't snowed yet. The temperature is in the near 60s. A guy is walking around in shorts and a tee.

White noise everywhere. The four of us were studying for finals.

Silence.

Earlier today I submitted my research paper for one of my classes. Hoping that this one would turn out good.

Yeah? Yeah.

Sour cream and onion..

Lately I've been in charge of everything. I tend to make parties happen, make it live, kick it with some fire, add some spice.

Invited and organized 13 people to go to a taekwondo dinner at a Korean restaurant. Although a bit hectic, it was well worth it. I was unintentionally thrown into this position of being the public relations guy (the guy who makes this all happen). Maybe I was the only person they could trust.

A few days ago my friend had his birthday party. Without me inviting a few more of my friends, the party would've been dead.

The Korean food was good. A bit spicy but still decent. The waitress and I recognized each other.

Interlude of December 10, 2015

I want to curl up and read, but I don't even have the luxury to do that right now.

Academics aside, if I were to describe my situation right now, I would be Tsukuru Tazaki and she would be Sara. 

Here I am with my green tea. Subpar salad currently digesting. Bland and tasteless. 

"Confess...? What is this some kind of anime?" I recalled my roommate say to me last night. 

Jacket-less weather today, oddly. Mid-December and this is what we have. 

Classes are no longer in session. I felt a certain sense of satisfaction and loneliness intermingled together, like patches of clouds drifting along the sky. Or birds sitting atop branches. The two combine and go together. That's how it seemed to me. 

Yawn

Next week is the big week. I'd be over with my crucial finals and my week will be free. 

Awkward silence in the suite. 

Zero holiday spirit here on campus.. it's so depressing. I keep forgetting it's Christmas in about two weeks. 

Sometimes you have to be bold in order to get the answer

My mood

asfdhairoghujasdfoijawerfhioiosfjasiodf;jafiojiofijafijoawfjioafhuisfhjdjaiosfdlkjasdfio;alhjksfgoiarjfasodiflkjasdflkjadfioahjergfusjkhgaios;ldjkfaoisljdhfaoiseldkfjsfdugjkhnvsdorfugjhvesoifdlkgfajsdfioawjlskdfvjkdfhgvlajksdflkafhgnao;fhjnosdifgjdifljkvdfblksjdfgklsjfgklsdjfgklsdjfgklsdjfgifgsjhgjaksdhfaslkdjfaslkdfjjlsiadffsadadfsfgagrwfv