Mid-April

Cherry blossoms on campus

"Tell me not the semester went by in a flash," she said. "I can't believe we're almost done with freshman year."

"This year was pretty fast," I said, plucking the clovers from the dirt.

A friend and I managed to stumble upon each other whilst grabbing food and we decided to chat and update each other. It was then we realized that we haven't seen each other in a while. The weather was a beauty as other students were playing frisbee and picnicking. The girl was laying down, taking in the vitamin D from the healthy sunlight at its zenith. I was casually sitting on the grass, my arms resting on my bent legs. We ate a couple of hours later again since we got hungry. I had some soup while she had mac and cheese. 

That evening I was off to the library to get some studying done when I bumped into a group of friends on my way. Actually, it was just one of my suite mates and his friend, C. They were sitting outside as the sun was already set. For about a good two hours, we sat and chat. Then I met up with the girl again and another friend decided to join. It was then that I found out that so much drama has been going on from each of them since the past month. I was suddenly thrown with so much drama that it changed my mood. Well I guess this is what the college life causes, I thought. The only problems I've had so far was accidentally setting the fire alarm on the first day of college and getting involved with the UPD several times. And as far as I know, that's not too bad. We eventually grouped together and studied for our own work until the library closed. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and chug it down in a gulp, I thought. 

Two days later I met up with the same people I bumped into-- my suite mate and his friend, C. As far as I knew, C was from Tennessee, and was naive in many aspects of life. She was however pure and clean, the type of woman who would not risk taking chances. Just an individual with an innocent soul. Originally I had the intention of staying in my room for the day to get some work done and then play by the ear from there, but I figured that spending some time with them to go to a Japanese grocery store for a little stroll was not half bad. Besides, I never knew where it was and it was a refreshing stroll, however windy. 

I bought some groceries: onigiri, rice crackers, instant rice and yakisoba, and a pack of teabags. Stocking up on Japanese groceries was an idea. 

"Thanks for the escort," I told them.

They laughed. "Anytime."

The three of us got together in my room and for some reason, the conversation always ended up about our sex lives. And me, along with my suite mate, ended up having to explain to her what sex was. Never in her life had she gotten involved in sexual relationships nor had she done the deed. She was clueless when it came to sex. It was the last thing she ever wanted to think of doing. I was a little shocked, mouth agape. Thus my suite mate and I ended up having to teach her a cram session of sex: what the word meant, why people did it, how people did it, and when. Along with a few terms, we taught her a lot. Never had I met a female college student who had very little knowledge of sex. Yet she endlessly fantasized about getting into a relationship with a band member. 

"It'll happen as long as you believe," I made some cheesy words of advice. "But there are a billion fish in the sea all looking for one another." 

"Mhm, I guess so," she said, frowning. "I just want him to love me that's all."

I didn't know what else to say so I sat there staring at her naive face while slowly rubbing my chin with my thumb. I made no expression. Literally blank as the brain of a fish. Perhaps I made a slight nod. I couldn't even tell. 

That evening my suite mate invited me to go to a show with him on campus. I didn't want to go, but I figured it wouldn't be fair since he tried out two full classes of TKD. Thus I went. It didn't sound so appealing and my prediction stood true as the place was crammed with caucasian hipsters obnoxiously yelling. Lesbians kissing here and there (Of course I have nothing against same sex relationships but this college is predominantly known for its huge support of it and it sometimes throws me off). The performance, based on what I saw, was basically a group of performers acting on stage with the movie showing in the background. Perhaps they wanted to reenact the movie on stage while the actual movie was playing. But I couldn't hear a thing nor could I understand what was happening. There were several technical difficulties and the performance was ten minutes behind schedule. 

Thus, about forty-five minutes in, I made my leave. 

"Sorry, bud," I told him. "But I'm gonna leave now."

"Alright," he remarked. "At least your tried."

Outside, a light drizzle hazed the twilight air as I slowly made my way back to the dorm. I popped my hood up on my blue windbreaker, shoved my hands in the pockets and walked across the path. I was the only one. Very little light accompanying my walk. Pretty much a dark journey. A good location to shoot a Thriller cover. While staring at a puddle ahead, I started to evaluate my experience in this college thus far. Thinking about what this college offered, more and more I started to feel that it was not really the place for me. There wasn't a click. The college and I didn't really have a connection. The people I've seen were some of the most creative and unique, and the cozy flair that this college had is undoubtedly noticeable. I've tried to adjust, and figure out a way to blend in. But for me, I felt like I belonged somewhere else. It didn't work. Maybe it had to do with the community, the smallness, or the environment but something just didn't seem right. 

I haven't told any of my friends; just the people who have read this and the professors I've notified know. It's going to be hard to tell them straight out since they initially probably feel I'm satisfied where I am. I've already registered for my classes, room, and figured out my roommate for the fall. But if I go somewhere else, which I likely am, it's going to be a tough announcement to make. I have a week tops. 

I kicked a pebble as it skipped and produced a lonely clutter against the rocky dirt. From a distance I saw the campus Starbucks and one of the dorm buildings. A ghost town. Friday night? Yeah but there was absolutely nobody. 

"It's all up to me." 

I didn't mean to say that aloud but it just happened unconsciously. A car drove past me but aside from that there was no change in my view. Crickets were crying somewhere and next to me was the nursery playground. I continued to walk back to the dorm all by my lonesome. Once something happens, it happens. You can't reset what already happened. I said in my mind.