week 1

It's been a week since I moved in and things are slowly but surely coming into place, sort of. I can pretty much navigate my way around campus, know which bus to take, and have made a couple of friends. 

I attended the first taekwondo meeting on Tuesday and it was great. Some athletes there knew some people from my hometown dojang. Connections. 

The club was huge. So many people came, from beginners to black belts. Met the president of the club and we are now friends. 

I'd try not to show off when I'm doing pad drills, but it can't be helped. 

"Show off!" Mr. President would say

But I said I was just doing what I do normally. Nothing new. 

In the club I also met a girl, who, at first, said that I looked like Jay Park. And I took it as a compliment.  She liked the way I kicked, and I taught her how to kick. On top of that we both came from the city, and we both instantly exchanged our information. Another friend made.

My roommate and I would continue to not say a word to each other unless it is really, terribly necessary. Oftentimes he would sleep around 8pm so there wasn't really a chance for us to even talk anyways. He'd lay on his bed and glare at something from his iphone just inches away from his eyes. An hour later he'd be dead asleep. 

One time around the wee hours of the night he yelled out something in Chinese. And man did that wake me up. And man did that scare the crap out of me. 

A peaceful night with crickets crying outside from the window. All of a sudden,

$@%!()*@&@^)!^@%@^#$@$(*   !!!

Now the dorm is ridiculously hot. We both don't have fans. And even though the window is cracked wide open it doesn't help one bit. Beads of sweat drip down along my body when I'm sleeping. A sign that I should probably get one. 

There's so many people in the campus that you meet someone new everyday. And the one's you want to be with more you gotta really go for it and talk to them or else they will go off and immediately stumble upon new people and forget who you are. Because sometimes, there are some people that you just meet and never see again. 

Sophomore year debut

First day of classes and I'm already disliking this commuting-dorm life. It was a cloudy morning, the sun covered from the mundane and ominous grey rain clouds. Yesterday my roommate requested that I go with him to the main campus since we had classes relatively at the same time and because he hadn't the slightest iota how to get there. I decided we head out around 8 am. 

And so it's around 7:45 and we went and had breakfast before we left, and there I met his other friend. Of course, from China as well. 

The three of us plopped down on the seats and munched away. I had a bagel with cream cheese, my roommate, again, had some raw toast, and his friend a caesar salad. Very random combination. Not a word would loom across the table. It was a quiet, awkward moment. Even if I'd yap out something in English they wouldn't understand me if not barely. I could blurt out some sentences I've learned in Chinese class but I'd only make a fool of myself and it would go nowhere. My roommate after a while was, again, already finished with his toast before us. Not even his friend talked to him; there he was wolfing down his salad with an unpleasant frown on his face. As if there was something missing in his salad. I was beginning to question their friendship and how they really got along.

Eventually my roommate's friend blurted out something in Chinese to him and he spoke to me in english shortly after saying that he needed to get something. Thus he left. It was down to my roommate and I. 

I finished my bagel and my roommate asked if we could go back to the room to grab his jacket. Sure, I said, since I also needed to grab my rain jacket. We headed out and just before I opened the door outside, he said that his friend was going to drive him to the main campus so bye. I was like what, ok then. 

So that's what his friend needed to get. His freaking car. 

Why didn't my roommate tell me that earlier?

They're so awkward. 

Now there I was in the crowded bus full of students. I plugged in my ears with music and gazed at the passing suburban scenery. 

A car or a bicycle and life would be so much easier, I thought.

Once I arrived, I headed to my first class. Outside of the lecture doors were a horde of students waiting. I was a good 15 minutes early. 15 minutes later another horde of students exited from the lecture halls from the previous class. Nearly took five full minutes just to let them all out. 

And there I was in my seat. A typical lecture. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

But then came the math class. I've read about the professor on ratemyprof and according to past students, this guy was not good. But I figured that people only posted on that thing if they're really good or really bad. Instead of swapping math classes for a different professor, I thought why not give it a shot. But minutes in and I already wasn't feeling this guy. 

His phone rang twice during class. Handwriting nearly illegible. Seems like he's making the material harder than it really was, made a typo on a problem and after a student corrected him, he responded with, 'i'm not responsible with numbers, i hate numbers too.' 

um what?! 

You're a damn math professor for god sakes. 

Now he wasn't old. He was the type of guy you would meet at a bar. Overall it seemed that he had a idgaf attitude. Which doesn't really account for a decent professor. 

Now I'm thinking about dropping. But then again should I just bear with it? 

I got out and realized I had a good hour before my last evening lecture. Had nowhere to really go. Nobody to really talk to, yet. First time I was at a school with nearly 20,000 people so it was a difficult adjustment for me. Felt like a little fish in the deep ocean. I chilled in the lounge and went over my schedule, planner, and checked my phone. The time where I wish I brought some sort of book. Around me were groups of students eating together, some in their frat and sorority shirts. I was bored. I really was. 

It's really hard.

Getting used to a new place full of new people and new surroundings. 

But I try to stay positive as much as possible. 

I had dinner alone at the dining hall in one of the residence halls on campus by my lonesome. A salad, pasta with marinara sauce and fries on the side. Dessert? Cantaloupe and honeydew melons. Those were the only fruits they had. I stared at the vacant seat across from me for the longest time. Nobody was sitting there. 

I waited for the bus after. Night time. It was pouring, heavily. Got wet, but luckily I had my blue raincoat with me. Bus came, and I sat down in the back, squeezed amongst other students. Terrible day for commuting. Bus lights dimmed. Outside barely visible from the droplets of water. Monotonous motors running. I closed my eyes. At the time that was the only thing I could do. Commuting-dorm life ain't so convenient. 

It was around 8:30 when I came back and my roommate was already asleep. 

Late August, New College Move-in

 Late August. A time where the entire city is hushed. There were slightly fewer people on the subway and on the streets. More taxi cabs than regular cars, and less customers in restaurants. Most were probably enjoying their final summer vacations or getting ready for school. Summer camps and summer jobs were near ending, or probably already have. It was the time of the month where couples said goodbye to their summer fling partner, and a time where leaves progressively turned orange and red.


And here I am in my new dorm. The unfortunate part is the fact that it is located off-campus and because I don't have a car the only way to go to the main campus is to take the bus like everyone else. And yes, it's always crowded. The schedule is confusing. The map is confusing. The times are confusing. Hope I can get to class on time, I pray for that. Now it's not the city. No delis and stores on every block, and no yellow cabs on the streets. Frat houses, trees, and more trees is what I'm dealing with here. The nearest market is a few miles away. And even if there was, the people who worked there literally lived right upstairs in the same building. I'm so used to the urban environment that this is undoubtedly a huge culture shock to me. This dorm is right smack in the middle of the student ghetto, Phil, one of the first people I met after we both got lost trying to find where the dining hall was, said.

This dorm can pretty much be called the we-don't-have-enough-room-for-you-on-campus-so-you-gotta-stay-here dorm. We've been pushed aside and isolated from the main campus. It has three stories, I live on the third. Once again, no elevators and no AC so moving in was a huge pain. The halls are like a maze; took me a good hour trying to find where everything was, and I'm still not one hundred percent sure yet. As far as I know, there isn't a water fountain nor a rubbish room in this dormitory, which kind of sucks. I'm left to just drink out of the tap. At least we got a fridge. Even if you got sexiled or just wanted to go out and sit outside somewhere there would be literally nowhere to go. The first time I set foot on this place I thought to myself how am I going to manage living here for the year?

I set up my alarm radio and tuned into the local stations from home but I got nothing but white noise. It was then that I thought I was actually pretty far.

It took me a few hours to get here from home, much longer than my previous university. Mom helped me pack my stuff and then my friend drove me away with the SUV. Mom stood there by the house, waving until she lost sight of the car. I shed a tear.

It was raining that time but it stopped shortly after. Rain of tears.


It's been a couple of days and I can already say that this university is massive. So when you are alone, you would feel really alone. It was all about you. You and your body working as a team.

The odds of bumping into someone you know are close to nil.

And that's pretty much how I made friends last year in my previous university. It pretty much began when I saw someone in my class wandering around on campus and chatted with them, and vice versa. I just don't think that will happen here, at least not as often.

Roommate moved in two days later. An international student, from northern China. Communicating with him is hard. Gotta really slow down in order for him to decipher everything. Along with that he knows little no information about the campus. Didn't even have a student ID card yet. If it weren't for me telling him about the basic stuff on this campus and managing everything he would've gotten lost no doubt.

Thus I escorted him to the dining hall (yeah I finally am getting the hang of knowing how to get there) and we had breakfast. Because he didn't have his student ID yet, I had to cover for him. Not even a thank you.

I had a waffle and some cereal and an apple while he was wandering around the dining hall as if he was still lost in his own world. Finally he decided a slice of raw toast.
"What are you majoring in?" I asked to get a conversation going.
He was undecided. Said he's going to take english classes to improve on his english.
"How old are you?"
He was a year my junior.
"Excited for college?"
He nodded.

We fell into quietness. A pretty long one. Even if I would've said something he would only nod, reply in monosyllables, or just not get it. Around us were other students munching their food away. Clattering of dishes and silverware, chatter.

"Sorry for making you wait," I was halfway through my waffle and on his plate were nothing but crumbs.
"What?"
"Sorry for taking too long."
He seemed confused.
I gestured eating and took a glance at my watch. Resort to charades when uncommunicable.
"Oh," he said, flat.
This is going to be a long year, I thought.


In fact there is a significant number of international students here. I met a guy from Fukuoka during the campus tour. English is definitely one of the many languages that is spoken here.

I knew beforehand that one of my classmates from high school went to this university, but never knew that she would get placed in the same hall as me. We exchanged hellos, and talked about what was new.

Classes begin tomorrow. Summer vacation winds its way down. Sophomore year here we go.

8/16 kind of day 8/17 kind of morning

My longtime music instructor today was performing in the park and I thought I'd drop by and say hello. He played various jazz melodies on the piano, great music that flowed throughout the crowded park filled with businessmen on lunch break, couples embracing, attractive women with their skirts and shorts with shopping bags hung on their arms, and middle aged locals reading the paper and having a joe. It was lively. 

At first he couldn't recognize me. Glad I've matured at least a little bit.

"Feels like you went somewhere and really experienced and learned a lot," he said, glancing at my attire. "You look different in a good way."

"Thanks," I laughed. 

We talked about what a teacher and a student who haven't seen each other for a year would talk about. How's school, when's school, how's life. Then he thanked me for coming and we shook hands. 

"See you around."

I went around town and the hour was noon. This meant that workers were out and about from their office buildings and were roaming the streets however rushed, for some grub. You had to blend in with the pedestrian traffic in order to walk on the sidewalks. Sudden halts and walking in a pace below the unwritten speed limit would cost you a few curses and infuriation from businessmen and women alike. They just keep on walking, not phased by the wondrous sights of the block. That's noontime for you in the city. 

I went to a bookstore to catch my eyes on books but nothing really caught my fancy. I looked for a specific book but seeing that they didn't have it I walked out and aimlessly walked about.

Evening I ate dinner with a couple of friends at our go-to place while watching the Yankees play the Red Sox at Fenway. Yankees crushed them in double digits. It was supposedly my farewell dinner before I was back to college. But farewell was a word I hated. Made everything seem more sad. It was more of a celebration. Cheers for a good summer, or something like that. 

Came home, sleepy and dazed. Then it hit me that it was me who had to move back to college. No more of this city-that-never sleeps vibe. Everyone else stayed put. 

Non-alcohol beer. 

Writing this on a three AM tired and sleepy and mind slightly blank. Tongue still has the aftertaste of beer. Computer screen way too bright for my eyes. I lower the contrast. Today was the barmaid's birthday. Never knew that. Never knew that she was a mother, too. Laughing at the fun times with the friends. See you in December, we said. I'm coughing. Need water. Gulp down. Feeling better. Obnoxious roar of the AC motors from other buildings hindering peaceful quietness. I shut off computer, bury myself in sheets, sleep envelopes more naturally than usual. good night.

the little stroll

Picture this:

A pigeon abruptly hits the glass of a storefront with a thud right before your eyes and flies away as if nothing ever happened.

Yep, that's what happened on my little dorm shopping stroll. Scared the crap out of me.

What else?

I noticed three people from my high school at different times, neither of which I knew enough to strike up a conversation. Didn't know what to say and even if I did, it would seem really awkward and unexpected. Two were guys possibly four or five years my senior, and the other, an attractive girl a year my junior. Even if I said hello to them I doubt they'd remember who I was.

Someday I'd figured that the girl would take up modeling. She was attractive. Slender and fit. But as she passed me, what's on her mind seemed like nothing but her upcoming freshman year in college. Rushed pace, emotionless, deliberately heading somewhere as if there was no time to lose. Who'd halt a girl like that?

Come to think of it, we only small talked a couple of times in school, the most we got was probably at a party sometime in the winter, senior year. The place was dark. Very few lights, booming music. She was laying on the couch with a couple of other girls, and I was pretty sure they yelled out my name, seductively:

"Seannyyyy~"

But I never really looked their way. I was talking to a few friends and didn't even know if they were calling my name. But it seemed like it. Could've glanced at their direction when they yelled, but I didn't.   I pretty much just ignored. How foolish of me.

They could've been drunk. Who knows.



No matter how much I detest packing, I began to slowly gather my stuff today.. Room is scattered with dorm supplies and clothes. It's as if a vacation is suddenly closing. Can't complain, though. I had three months. Months of sunshine and nice weather. Relaxation and lazy nights and days, snoozing afternoons, and carefree moods.

And now, for us college students, we are suddenly thrown back to reality in a matter of days. Some in a matter of weeks. Damn those.

8/15 Yankees

This time was unable to receive the 14 and younger promo item: Mo poster. 

Quite possibly my last game of the season :( 

Tough loss for Yanks against the LA Angels but they take the series 3-1. Clutch player throughout the series gotta go to Soriano. 

Keep it up, Yankees. 

City Vibe

I dug out a few paperbacks from high school English and thumped over them. There were underlined and annotated notes here and there, and most of the pages faded yellow. Dusting off the copies, I spent my afternoon reading these nostalgic books. Recently nothing in the past few days are worth noting for me. The life of Seany in the summer of 2013: boredom yet relaxing. Driving, going to Yankee games, writing, going to the beach.

In the street I munched on a burger while staring at the street performing regulars. Rain or shine, these guys were here almost everyday, at least all the time when I was at this part of town. They didn't give a damn. Until they gathered a decent audience, none of the action ever started. Already, though, there was a whole crowd that took up the entire part of the street. Their performance typically was not outstanding but good enough to watch. I sat adjacent from all this and leisurely wolfed down the burger. Their boom box blasted Jackson's 'Smooth Criminal'.

In the evening I usually worked out. Usually consisted of jogging out in the park or training at the dojang. Whenever I'd jog the beautiful cityscape would be my view and I'd be running with other joggers of my kind.


I came home and lay on my bed. Days and days of monotonous repetition. Nothing ever changed. Millions of individuals were somewhere out there in the city, going about their own duties and leisure activities while I was questioning myself in what I was doing. A stack of books and movies were on my desk along with a writing pad full of my ideas and free notes. A dharma doll with both its eyes unfilled, pens, and a box of paperclips. Two empty water bottles and some change strewn everywhere. A printed out picture of the statue of Ninomiya Kinjiro was on my wall on the side. With an opened book in his left hand, he gave out a smart, sophisticated look. A look as if he was to say, "Knowledge will plant the seeds for power and strength. Don't create or pretend to have knowledge, knowledge is within you."

Stashed away in the corner were manga books both in Japanese and English that I had meant to read during the summer. For some reason, though, I never had the motivation. Maybe it was because of the plot, or the way the series was being carried. It didn't appeal to me, perhaps. So I parking-lotted that plan and instead, resorted to doing other unremarkable things.



My driving is really good, said my instructor, but it's unfortunate that I can't take the road test during the summer. I'm pretty much ready but I wasn't the only one who wanted a license.

I had a dream the following day where I ate with my high school friends at a restaurant. We all sung aloud some old western song, I think. For some reason everyone knew it. I think it was from 'High Noon'

Do not forsake me oh my darlin'

Then a little after I met with a girl and we sat on the steps of a townhouse and made out.

I had a good time, but I woke up only figuring out that those moments were nothing but a dream. Didn't even see one of them during the entire summer thus far.

Do not forsake me oh my darlin'

Wiping the drool off my face, I got out of bed, stretched, and chugged down a glass of orange juice. Another ordinary day was about to start.

I met with one of my close friends that I usually hung out with. We stopped by a local Chinese restaurant for some grub. His choice. Empty seats. There was nobody but us as the speaker system leaked out pop songs from the early 2000s. Without the music the place had a very quiet, subdued ambiance. Waitress gave us menus as we ordered to our leisure. Not the greatest but manageable. We ate in a matter of minutes. At one point, the waitress placed the check with two fortune cookies with a kind of time-to-get-out-of-here attitude. After we went dutch, we left the restaurant without any thank you from the waitresses. A typical Chinese restaurant.

"You know if I was on a date with a girl, I would never take her here," he said.
"Tell me about it." The place was pretty run-down. "Lesson learned."

We walked around the neighborhood, nothing really new. Nothing on our agenda. We went to a pet shop to stare at animals. Birds, fishes, cats, and hamsters. Carefree in their own world yet trapped in their cages and tanks.

Time vanished, and it was the evening. He took the bus back home. I bought an ice coffee and sat down on a bench. About ten days and I was back to college.

My friend commuted and went to a college in the city so he never had to worry about any packing and living life independently. In fact, most of my friends commuted. Nobody really knew what it was like dorming. Nobody knew the long trip, the boxes, the clothes, those little items that you couldn't forget. That sudden feeling of being by yourself, and having to manage everything, from laundry to work.

A police car zoomed by the street with its sirens, the taxi cabs and regular cars pulling over by the curb to let it go through. A kid with a slurpee swished by on his scooter in the sidewalk, his mother yards away, casually talking to the babysitter.

A man, seemingly retired, plopped down at the other end of the bench, lightly whistling a tune. I rattled the drink as the ice clattered. No more in there. It was empty.

A light breeze hit me, then died.

The food vendor across the street was beginning to pack up and a leaf from a branch fell onto the roof of a parked car.

I went home.

8/10 Yankees

Still able to get 14 and younger promotional items at the stadium. One of the perks of looking young.

Tough loss against the Tigers. Miguel Cabrera is unstoppable. 

But hey, great day with mom. 

These past few days I've learned how to parallel park, met and trained with a young taekwondo athlete from Denmark, and read a couple of Raymond Carver stories.

I went to a karaoke yesterday until the break of dawn with some friends and woke up today around the afternoon feeling exhausted and dazed.

One look at my phone call history and all I saw from the past few days were from wrong numbers, one friend, the driving school, and my mom. Nothing new. Nothing really stood out. The days kept passing by as if the world was fast forwarding and as soon as you knew it August made its way.

Sunglasses on I walked along the neighborhood. Everyday was the same, not that I was expecting anything different. Morning the birds would melodiously hum a tune, afternoon the restaurants get overcrowded, rush hour and the business people would come dashing out from the station and fiercely speed walk their way home.

My previous driving lessons I've been mainly working on parallel parking and aside from my axel control, that is my main flaw in driving.

On one of my attempts I parked too far from the curb. And sometimes, it was the opposite. Occasionally I'd nail it.

After the lesson I pulled over to the side and put the gear on park. My instructor, in his laid-back self, told me that it was just all a matter of practice and judgement.

With my hands still gripped in a nine to three position on the wheel, and the engine still running, I took a huge sigh and stared at the cars ahead and their taillights. Pedestrians walked by as they normally would while the interior of the car was significantly subdued. My eyes then began to fix on the road and its worn out lane marks.

"Hey," he said. "You good?"
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"Drifting off?"
"No pun intended?"
He laughed.
"Anyways, It's the end of the lesson, man. You're improving, keep it up."


I went home and opened up a paperback. I followed the sentences but my mind wouldn't keep up. Couldn't read today for some reason. Probably still tired from yesterday. Definitely tired from yesterday.



Panini in hand while plopped on a bench. Crickets crying in the trees, pigeons searching for food. And far away, the metropolitan drone. Clouds soundlessly drifting north, tree branches sweeping to and fro. Young couple flirting with joy across, the mercury vapor lamp shining their faces. Weak leaves falling. These lonely summer nights.