These days I want to have a passion for something. Writing is nothing. It has to have some substance, some core element. Writing itself is like a car without the engine. We need the engine in order for it to move-- in other words, we need a topic to write about. A subject matter. Anyone can write. It's the idea of having a knowledge for something to write about.

Right now I feel like I know nothing. I'm stupid. I want to take up something. I want to go back and play the violin. Have a passion for something. Go and try out new things, take new classes, explore different places. Be productive as frequent as possible.

Everyday for me it's just the usual classes. No excitement, no parties. Weekends I spend my time alone in the pool, library, or at the dorm. I used to party frequently last semester, but I slowly began to drift away from that phase because I found out that it wasn't that fun. If anything I'd rather go to a cafe or a bar and casually drink there. Controlled music, relaxed vibe.

Recently things are just not the same. There's no excitement. No pleasure. My friend doesn't routinely eat with me anymore after our class, and immediately heads straight to the bus. I haven't spoken to a girl in months, except for one girl who's good friends with the suite.

"Everyone's escaping from me," I said, at the stack of books in the library.