The end of the school year. And I will most likely end up in another university my second year. These recent weeks have been the most stressful, my mind full of decisions and risks. Somedays I couldn't do my work and even sleep as well.
A few days ago I had a dream about a girl. A girl that I've only talked to once very briefly. In the dream she and I were sitting in the bus. We tried to keep a conversation going but it always ended short. Then she left me and sat with somebody else.
Anyways, back to reality.
It was only me and a master instructor at Tae Kwon Do in the Monday evening class last week and we pretty much spent the time kicking shields and having a conversation about his past stories, the strengths and weakness of the club and how we can pretty much make it better.
"We actually competed a couple years ago," he said. "But we were very short in members. As is the situation right now."
There was nothing I could do but wait for him to continue.
"I was the only one who could compete," he said. "MIT and their 300 member clan. Look at us."
I made a quick once-over of the room. Nobody but the two of us.
"As far as I can tell, forming a martial arts club here, especially in this kind of artsy college, is nearly impossible," he remarked.
"Also since the style of Tae Kwon Do this club mainly emphasizes is the traditional martial art/self-defense. Not the sport."
"Unlike you."
"Unlike me," I repeated his words.
"The point is, we have to build with what we have."
"An issue that most rookies have a hard time dealing with is perseverance. I keep telling them that you cannot get your black belt right away and even if you do, the training cannot end there," I added.
There was a pause. He was playing with the kicking shield. The room was devoid of any other noise but the volts from the lights. Bare, white walls, a working clock, one mirrored wall, two cabinets, a kicking bag, stacked up mats on one corner, and us, standing on the wooden floor.
"I bought this wave master kicking bag two years ago," he said pointing at it. I looked at the red kicking bag. At this angle it seemed abandoned, sitting in a corner seeming like it had no purpose.
"You were probably the only one I've seen use it since," he said. "And I haven't kicked a shield in a long time. Thanks for the drill."
"No problem. Kicking shields and bags is the warm up in my dojang."
For starters, nobody currently in the club had any interest in learning more about the sport aspect. As the president of the club I have emphasized and suggested learning more about the sport side of Tae Kwon Do but the idea only puffed and waned. Tae Kwon Do is not complete with only knowledge of self defense. But club members don't follow; they'd rather merge all martial arts and practice that minus the match sparring. Thus I let them do what they want and stay back without any word and complaints.
A hour and a half would pass as we were still having a discussion, standing on the wooden floor. All the time I thought what would happen when the club lost me. I even thought of a headline.
'BRIGHT, YOUNG PRESIDENT OF _______ COLLEGE TAEKWONDO CLUB LEAVES MEMBERS IN SHAME AND DESPAIR'
But nah I'm probably thinking too much. Going to another university is what I chose and my message to the club members is to continue on with what they have and try to build a team to compete, and cut with the repetitive self defense. At least equalize the practice of self defense and the sport.
 |
| Reading around town. Credits to KT |
9 in the evening and I went back to my dorm, took a quick shower, and stopped by the campus diner to grab a salad, only realizing that I forgot to bring the dressing midway back to my dorm. Frustrated, I walked back to the dorm anyway and instead, fixed some noodles accompanied by some hot tea. I chatted with some friends online and listened to a couple Bob Dylan and Norah Jones tracks. Time slipped by and everyone hit the sack as soon as I knew it. I lay on my bed, heads behind my back, staring at the bare ceiling devoid of any sense of decoration, blatantly. Less than a month and freshman year was done. It's been real, here. I kept my words in my thoughts. The sun has long been set. I glanced at my watch and it was almost midnight. I gazed at the ceiling, taking in its bumpy texture. At some point the hushed air in the room got cut. Silence subtly vanished. Silence intercepted with a ringtone. Someone was calling me.
"Hi, it's me."
That voice. That voice, I said in my mind again.
"Hello? Are you there?"
I held the receiver against my other ear. "Yes, sorry. Just dazing off."
"Hah," she snickered. "Insomnia or what."
"Nah, I'm not an insomniac type of guy. I get my sleep no matter what."
"Well ain't that a beauty," her tone of voice decreased a tad. "Sleeping beauty."
"And you're the beast."
"And I'm the beast," she repeated.
I took a sip of my tea.
"So I called because I just finished work. And my other duties. Wondered if you had some time for a bite."
I took a glance at the empty thrown out plastic container from the noodles in the trash. "Sure, for a bit."
"Great," she replied. "Five minutes. Don't be late."
Whereupon I put on my blue windbreaker, put on my snapback backwards, slipped on my gray shoes, and headed out. Although April, the weather still reminded me of the good old December days during the winter. Minus the gloves and the hat.
I arrived in seven minutes but she was not there yet. Students munching away their food as the cashiers endlessly swiped their cards. A typical scene at the deli.
It took her an additional fifteen minutes to arrive. The same oversized gray sweatshirt, navy sweatpants, hair tied into a ponytail. Carrying nothing. Little to no makeup.
"I'm so sorry," she whined. Some nearby students looked over in our direction. A what-could-she-be-possibly-apologizing-so-loudly-about kind of look. "I stumbled into a professor on my way and got sucked into a conversation. He kept endlessly talking. My apologies."
"I call bullshit."
"Noo," she whined again. "It's true. I swear. Oh my god."
"Couldn't you tell him that you were in a rush?"
She took a moment to stare at my eyes. Then she pouted.
"I owe you."
"You don't say," I said.
"Ugh, the meal's on me then."
"Obviously."
She smacked my arm with her hand. "Do you want me to change my mind?"
Corn chowder soup for me. A salad and yogurt for her. A reasonable late evening meal. While eating the thought perpetually looms around my mind: where in the world am I going to end up next year.
"Studying for finals?" she said.
"Next week."
"Better start studying lil' city boy," she smiled. "Hours fly by."
"They really do I guess."
"Yeah they do."
We were sitting on the furthest table from the deli.
She stabbed some lettuce with her fork but twirled it around. "I still can't believe you're transferring."
"Yeah."
She stabbed a tomato. "Remember the time when we gazed at the moon?"
"I sure do," I said. "It seemed closer to us."
"It did. Just like the distance between you and me right now."
I remained silent.
"But if you're transferring the distance between us isn't going to be close."
I could do nothing but wait for her to continue.
"Promise me that you will be like the moon."
"The moon?"
"To be close, even if you're far away."
I smiled. "Of course. Count on me."
She lightly smiled.
And then, finals at last ended. Friends and suite mates were packing their stuff as their parents came and helped them carry their stuff in the car. Then, as soon as I knew it, they left, leaving me, out of the eight people, the last one remaining in the suite. My international friends flew back to their hometown and the girl that treated me the meal left too. Most of the campus was deserted, inhabiting only the RAs and the remaining students. I had to evaluate candidates for a TKD promotion test so I could not leave until the last day.
After the promotion test, I grabbed two slices of pizza from the campus deli one last time and headed back to the suite. Being the only one left felt unnatural, as if various pieces from a puzzle were missing. I'd usually hear my suite mate next door yell at his computer while playing online games, see another suite mate across the hall talk with his friends online, hear another suite mate's TV for the night, and see another flossing his teeth in the bathroom for an extended period of time. But all of that was gone.
Yet the suite remained nasty. Both of the showers flooded and were covered in mold. It was the second time in a row I could not take a shower. Boy I was so excited to get out of this suite.
My dad came the next day as, similar to the first day, we carried my stuff as I started to sweat. Three trips. Everything perfectly fit in the car except for one of my drawers. I left it along with some other dorm essentials of mine that could not quite make it. The room was empty, just the way it was when I moved in here back in September.
The RA inspected the room, checking the cleanliness of the curtains, chairs, desks, and made sure that all of the things were in good condition. She checked to see if the blinds worked but it tilted down.
"Oops," she laughed. "We'll let them fix that."
I snickered.
Once the inspection was cleared, she signed the copy of the inspection sheet and I signed at the bottom in the required fields.
"In case I get famous, you already have my autograph," she said.
I laughed. "Guess I'm your first fan."
We shared laughs.
Among me were other students packing their stuff as well. The more I thought about it, the more I started to realize that I was going to miss this place just a little. I've spent eight months here and I'm never coming back. Blessed by all the friends I've made. I got in the car and we started to drive. I looked out and saw the dormitories passing my view. Right then I reflected my time here at the college. Of course there were some memories I undoubtedly knew I would remember. The top of the list, though, has to be when I accidentally triggered the fire alarm on the first night. I figured that everyone knew me through that.
"Hey, you're the kid who set the fire alarm during the middle of the night right?" a student would say.
Whereupon I would quietly nod.
And he would laugh.
Other than that, this college was ok. Could be a lot better, but I guess it was a good experience.
"Goodbye," I said, as we drove along the narrow campus driveway.
