Woody Allen's book is haunted I tell you. Haunted.

I read a passage about transubstantiation. The idea of dematerializing and rematerializing somewhere else in the world.

And I posted a quote about transubstantiation last night:

"… transubstantiation, the process whereby a person will suddenly dematerialize and rematerialize somewhere else in the world. This is not a bad way to travel, although there is usually a half-hour wait for luggage. The most astonishing case of transubstantiation was that of Sir Arthur Nurney, who vanished with an audible pop while he was taking a bath and suddenly appeared in the strings section of the Vienna Symphony Orchestra. He stayed on as the first violinist for twenty-seven years, although he could only play “Three Blind Mice,” and vanished abruptly one day during Mozart’s Jupiter Symphony, turning up in bed with Winston Churchill."

During the night I had a dream of kissing a giraffe.

The next day one girl liked the quote, and when I visited her page it showed a picture of her kissing a giraffe.

Coincidence? or did I actually experience transubstantiation?

Plato makes out with a giraffe

A dream where I made out with a giraffe... This was so awkward and strange and disturbing in so many ways.  A giraffe just suddenly came up to me and starting kissing me on the lips. Its face was satisfied. I couldn't believe it.

Prior to this whole incident I remember in my dream going to a Japanese restaurant to see my mother's acquaintance, who was off to Japan, then walking outside on a whim with my plate and seemed to forget my water bottle. Then I walked into a movie theater that had a small screen but they were playing the news. It seemed more of a large conference room than a theater. The audience, dressed in business casual attire, were watching the screen, losing interest. 

I looked up some meanings for seeing giraffes in my dreams and most say that it's the idea of needing to "reach out" more in life. But perhaps I dreamed of giraffes from my hours of studying Plato and his entire concept of the myth of Er, the throne of necessity, where people have the option to choose to be reborn as either a human or an animal in the afterlife. Damn it, Plato! And the idea of the people watching the screen represents the Allegory of the Cave, where we are being manipulated to believe that this news is what's most important and nothing else! Or perhaps this whole dream came from reading Woody Allen's obscure chapter on transubstantiation.

But the whole idea of kissing a giraffe... was something way out of the ordinary.

Back at the dorm.

Ugh I'm craving some curry and ramen and halal again.

This place has none of that.

The closest ramen you could get here is instant, cup ramen. And we all know that stuff is the worst health-wise.

The struggle is real.

And the clock strikes four in the morning.

Ah, the time of the night where I would usually be in deep sleep.

The city is dark and quiet.

Devoid of sound.

I shut my textbook and all the study guides for the night.

The city is all the same, but it's nice to be back and finally see some life and color. It's nice to be in my room again. It's nice to be with my mom again. It's nice to sleep in my bed again. It's nice to finally relish some only-in-NY food. It's nice to...

uh..

too sleepy

good night.

Jeter etches a surreal afterglow to his teammates and fans from eight to 80 and beyond.

Under the Lights and Sell-Out Crowd, The Yankee Shortstop Ends a Career Worth Remembering

He ends his last game as a Yankee in the Bronx with a walk-off single. A perfect set-up to end not only a game, but Derek Jeter's last game as a shortstop at Yankee Stadium. And he did it himself.

He starts with an RBI double in the bottom of the first, collects another in the seventh and slaps the ball the other way in the bottom of the 9th for a game-winning walk-off single, turning Robertson's blown save into the "best blown save."

For twenty seasons, Jeter has always been with Yankees, played shortstop and worn the number 2. He has never been called out of a game.

Tonight, at the stadium, it was his last time in pinstripes. The last time Bob Sheppard announced his name at-bat. The last time Yankee fans got to witness a finale so grand and spectacular.

"It feels like being in your own funeral," Jeter says. "People giving you praise, compliments and admirations. Of course I appreciate them all but at the same time it feels like a part of you is dying if you know what I mean."

Jeter admits he almost broke down to tears at certain times during the game.

"Throughout the game I thought: please don't hit it to me I don't know what's going to happen," he says. "... Had it ended the way it was, I don't how I was going to react. I would've broken into tears. But now that we won this way, I'm excited. Sorry."

When asked about what made him feel the most emotional, he refers to the fans.

"They're all saying 'Thank you, Jeter', but I want to tell them, 'For what?' I'm just trying to do my job. But it means so much.

"The feeling when people say things to you, whether it's at second or the dugout, is when I really get emotional."

During the end of the game, in addition to his current teammates, members of the core four, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, Andy Pettitte, along with Bernie Williams, Tino Martinez and Joe Torre, were on the field congratulating Jeter for a tremendous career in baseball.

Jeter chooses to play in Fenway for the final upcoming games, respecting not only the rivalry but also the fans who want to see him play for the last time.

"Shortstop was his office," Jack Curry says. "[Tonight] he was closing the door to his office."

Back for the Jewish New Year. Thank god I got the whole two seats for myself on the bus. While on the bus I stared at the passing scenery. Leaves, trees, and cars. I thought about love. Nobody knew what anyone was thinking until someone said something. Unless people had mind-reading powers. Isn't it silly, then? If a couple secretly liked each other but they could never know because both were too shy to admit it.

As soon as I set foot in NYC the pace of the pedestrians was a thousand times more fast than upstate. Now this was more like it. I easily blended in with the traffic.

Yesterday I went bowling with friends. 7$ unlimited games, including shoes. from 9pm-12am.

Somebody should just throw a blanket over me. I feel like running into a wall. I feel like I could tear open another hole in the wall of our dorm room.

She has a boyfriend, my friend told me, in the most casual way ever.

I guess most cute girls have guys behind them. It's a predetermined assumption. 

But it's cool. I do my own thing. This news-- disappointing in all forms-- just changed my mood. I felt like I was standing on some planet away from Earth, drifting away, useless. 

I felt like it was fate. 

The night before I went to sleep, I pictured that when I saw my friend (he knew her) during lunch, we would bump into her. And we did. Though she only noticed my friend, blabbing something in Korean to him. 

Then later on he told me the news. The oh-so terrible news. On this day, September 23. 

UGH.

I had lunch with him and a girl we both knew. He met her at an event, and I met her at Japanese class last year. Coincidence much?

I would've gone to taekwondo to try to forget about my situation, but my body wasn't 100%. My throat still slightly bothered me. I figured it was a good day to rest up. 

My roommate is still coming down with the chest congestions. Hope he gets better by the day. He can't miss that road test.

Basically a day until the Jewish New Year break. Thank you Jewish people! But the following Monday I have two tests.

Guh..

Throat feels better but not quite sure about it yet. My back feels sore.

Just did the dishes and the laundry.

I recalled a conversation I had with my friend.

"Want me to introduce you to her?" he asked me.
"YES"
The next day.

"She leaves the room as soon as class ends," he said. "We literally have to throw something at her."
"We have to get her attention before class starts," I said.
"Yeah."

Be patient, the best things happen unexpectedly.

Haircut without a license

"Just be all cool and don't mind anything," my friend said, cutting my hair with the clipper. I was getting a haircut in the men's communal bathroom. My friend managed to get his hands on a haircut set for a bargain price. In the past he cut his own hair with it and even cut for another friend of his.

It was Mr. Star's Barber Shop, because his name meant "star" in Korean.

We brought a chair from the lounge and placed paper towels under it. We also used paper towels as the cover cloth. What a ghetto way to get a haircut. But hey, it worked.

In the end there was not much of a difference except the sides. It kind of resembled the Korean two-block cut. Nobody, in fact, could tell that I got a haircut. But hey, that's what mattered. The subtleness.

"I'm pretty happy I did a fine job," he said. "Looks good."
"Indeed, it's not too bad for a guy without a license!"

Then we went to McDonald's to grab some grub, and contemplated buying a deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards at Walmart. My friend bought a blind assortment Spongebob lego toy, hoping that he would get Spongebob. And he did. At that point I felt like we were slowly retreating back to childhood, like Benjamin Button. It was nostalgic but somewhat sad.


Meanwhile my throat was bothering me. Figures since the entire suite was coughing. My roommate came down with chest congestions. Currently we all felt like shit. The air in this suite wasn't a very healthy one. But I'll be alright. We'll all be alright.

I slept in today, with not much on my agenda. I had some work to do but of course that was the last thing I wanted to do.

A couple things I got hyped about: A dual, re-translated edition of Murakami's Hear the Wind Sing and Pinball 1973 was set to be released sometime next year and the new Smash Brothers was coming sometime in October.

On the bus ride back my friend and I got on the bus.

"So did you find someone yet?"
"Find who," I said.
"Oh you know."
I told him the girl I was interested in.
"Throw something at her," he said.
"What."
"Chuck something at her. And when you get her attention, be like, hey, let me get your number. That's how the Koreans do it!"

I got up around 11 from the garbage truck crushing trash. A loud, monotonous murmur. I washed my face, dressed up in a flannel shirt and navy chinos, sprayed a dash of cologne, and walked towards the dining hall. Rice with fish. Nothing was appealing so far. All that was on my mind was a girl I couldn't help but think about. That one girl and nobody else. How great would it be if it was just me and her. Instantly a huge air of euphoria seeped inside me.

I went to my first class, staring into space. During this class I was always thinking about my next class right after: Japanese. The class where my stress level went down, the class that's laid back, and most importantly, the class where the girl was. 

Today the professor decided to re-arrange our seats. Immediately I thought this was a chance, if I was lucky, to sit by her. And of course I was put the farthest from her. Literally from one end of the room the other. I was put so far in the corner with three other students that we were like outcasts, like moons away from the planet. Not that we were troublemakers. It was all so randomly arranged. It wasn't alphabetical. If that was the case she and I would be relatively seated more close to each other. 

After class nothing happened. I walked out with two friends who were in the class. Coincidentally she and another friend of hers were walking ahead. She looked back once after my friend called my name, but I was looking downwards so I couldn't tell who or where she glanced at. 

Why was this so difficult.

I took a nap when I got back on campus and woke up from Sharon, a friend. She threw a mini chocolate bar on my bed. 

"Say, hey, thanks," I said, half conscious. 

"No problem," she said. "Sleeping?"

"Yup. Taking a power nap."

"It's okay I slept around 4 yesterday and got up at 7 to take an organic chemistry test. Then I got a paper to write."

"Guh."

She lifted the piece of paper that was covering the hole my roommate made on the wall the other day. 

"Did you guys really?" she asked. 

"Yup," I said. "Welcome to the suite."

The littlest things you can do to add joy to people's lives.

That's currently the theme here.

When I woke up in the morning I was down in the dumps. I looked at my roommates bed and he wasn't there. A few minutes later he walked back in from the kichen.

My roommate made me some eggs in the morning. 

"Thought you were having a rough week so here," he said. That boosted my day.

Again it's the littlest things you can do to add joy.

It's a routinized procedure for me. The days I have Japanese class I get hyped up and energetic but on the other days its so dull for me. My first three classes today was absolutely dreadful. Interview theories, lecture on war correspondents during world war 1, and a class where we all just talked about college tuition rates when we were supposed to be talking about grammar and punctuation. The professor played favorites so much that it was safe to say it's unfair. He handed back our tests, proudly blurting out the student's grades that were above 90s and remained silent for others. How unfair. Grades ought to be confidential and he just doesn't get that.

Currently in my last class waiting for the professor who hasn't showed up yet. Already 5 minutes late. The room is lacking in fresh air. It's humid, the stench of human flesh.

"I hope she doesn't come," a student in front of me said. 

And speak of the devil, she just came rushing in, setting up. 

For Jay, he had walked another journey in his college life. Some of his friends abandoned him, one had to enlist in the military, his girlfriend broke up with him, and of course, he made a few new friends. His suite screamed at random spurts, kicked a soccer ball across the hall, and jumped against a wall. They all found some things they all enjoyed. And that made Jay feel satisfied. It added some oomph to his daily living. The crazy stuff they did as a suite kept them up and running. They all enjoyed the Beatles, taekwondo, and detested a particular girl because she happened to ruin everything and make everything awkward. she even made my roommate so mad that he made a hole in the wall.

For Jay nothing was working for him in his personal life, however.

He made a Korean-American friend who was pretty darn good in japanese. He was an avid smoker and was more and more turning Japanese, talking to native Japanese speakers which was good for him but terrible for his Japanese friends since all they spoke was their native language. No room for improvements.


now enough of jay. jay is, as you guessed this whole time, me.

For me it was awkward. Sure I don't mind conversing in Japanese, but that's not really my goal. I don't plan to spend all of my time with Japanese people here. If that's the case then I ought to head to Japan. Certain ideas don't click when I'm with them. It's a completely different lifestyle. but the korean-american, i realized, was more fluent than i was. and that made me feel a bit lost, and confused and defeated. a how-the-hell kind of feeling. he knew more meanings, kanji, and had a better flow. how-the-hell.

It was then that I realized that I was completely ingrained in American norms. no shit im american.



Second, I've been struggling to break the ice with an attractive girl in one of my classes. Every other day when I have the class I see her dressed cutely. I can't really focus anymore because I'm too frustrated in myself. Every sentence I've written on this blog for the past few weeks isn't my best writing. There are some in past tense some in present. Some in caps and some not. I've fallen behind in my readings, lagged, just because I can't find a way to speak to her. Speaking with her is, i daresay, currently my dream. and it shouldn't be so hard. i feel like im making this so counterintuitive. wasted movements. and that was one thing i didnt want to do this year.

no wasteful movements.

i really need to stop that and not waste any time.

Today was one of my chances. My roommate happened to make a battle-plan for me. To utilize the korean student association mass meeting and find her there. she was bound to be there. but it backfired. they played a video of a dance group which my ex was in, and instead of meeting my crush, i bumped into that girl we all hated. the girl who ruined everything and made everything awkward. and indeed she did ruin everything and make everything awkward. she destroyed it. the image i had of meeting my crush. the scenario, that both my roommate and i had planned, was ultimately ruined by that damn girl.

what a joke.

what a fucking joke.

when i came back just talking to my roommate made me feel a bit better. i got his back and he's got mine.

earlier i was with my friend and we were leaning against the railings overlooking the fountain. I yelled at my friend i saw walking with a girl who seemed like his ex.
"You ruined the setting! they were getting back together!" he said.
"No they're the ones that screwed up," I said. "if they split they shouldnt be together."
"what a badass you are," he said.
"not badass it's just common sense."


now back to the attractive girl.

you know at this point i just want to get to know her. shes cute. im not the type who tries to find the perfect woman, because nobody is perfect. perfection is bullshit. it doesnt exist because everyone has flaws no matter how you look at it. why is it so hard breaking the ice.

why should it be this hard.

god damnit. im falling down.

Break

The 

Ice 

And off to Five Guys we went. The trio, as always.

I am a role model, an inspiration to taekwondo peers, I am better than I think I am.

I instruct classes, incorporate skills passed on from the very best elders, helping others to the best of their abilities.

On a rainy, afternoon it finally hit me that most of my friends are seniors. The attractive Korean girl in my class is a senior. Everybody is a senior.

"She's so basic, though," my friend said, who happened to talk to her via Kakao.

There's that upperclassmen world you get in once you reach that certain stage.

Yesterday was the longest day I've had in a while.

I got up at 6 a.m. and headed to the dentist. I came back to get breakfast, went to my classes, stopped by at my friend's dorm, went to a taekwondo party, and guilt tripped my friends to come.

He went outside for a smoke.

Then we all went back to get some chinese food.

Then I missed 2 buses because it reached its capacity.

It was really cold. 48 degrees.

Estimated arrival time: 3 a.m.

David Foster Wallace, renowned short story writer, once said:

"I guess a big part of serious fiction's purpose is to give the reader, who like all of us is sort of marooned in her own skull, to give her imaginative access to other selves. Since an ineluctable part of being a human self is suffering, part of what we humans come to art for is an experience of suffering, necessarily a vicarious experience, more like a sort of 'generalization' of suffering. Does this make sense? We all suffer alone in the real world; true empathy's impossible. But if a piece of fiction can allow us imaginatively to identify with a character's pain, we might then also more easily conceive of others identifying with our own. This nourishing, redemptive; we become less alone in the inside. It might just be that simple."

Stephen Apkon further emphasizes Wallace's statement by explaining the idea that stories are a way of "relieving the inevitable suffering that is part of the human experience" and that mirror neurons, for now, is what we have in the world.

Haven't gotten a chance to update my college life recently. Right now I have a few minutes to spare so here goes.

Taekwondo is going alright. I attend three times a week. I assist on Mondays.

Every morning I get up around 9, always hoping that the bathroom isn't occupied. Living with four other people can be a nuisance sometimes. Sometimes I don't have a chance to eat breakfast because one, I can barely cook, and two, there aren't many things to eat. I could head off to the market and purchase some bread or so but that's such a hassle especially for a college student like me.

The nearest dining hall, at a walking distance, is about ten minutes away. There is a shuttle that takes me to campus but I always somehow end up missing it.

Classes are becoming dull and dull except Japanese, a class where I actually participate for once. In that class you kind of have to participate or else you'll lose points. Always thought it's cute when Korean girls speak in Japanese. There was one that was particularly pretty.

"I got her number," my friend in the class says, smoking a cigarette.

He was a Korean-American who was, aside from the slight accent, fluent in Japanese. What's more, he nearly knew everything about Japanese culture, from cigarette brands to manzai performers. He's been to places in Japan I've never been to before, and he's read an entire Murakami novel in Japanese.

"She thought I was Japanese," he continued.

"No shit you're fluent."

He laughed.


Otherwise for me it's all about reading war stories, journalism theories, and Plato. Someday all these studies will pay off.

I usually spend my leisure time listening to the Beatles either reading or writing. It's always one or the other.

I'm so not excited about my wisdom tooth. Jesus.

Taught taekwondo today.

Went pretty well and felt pretty proud.

It's important to have the right friends. They influence you a lot. Have some pride and don't suffer from peer pressure. Don't be an alcoholic just because your friends like it. Don't be a smoker just because your friends like it. Do you. Don't lose who you are truly. Or else your identity is fake 

Thank god Friday finally came.

Taekwondo ended short yesterday with a fire alarm. The firetrucks came producing its long and whiny siren.

Went to the doctor to find out that I had a wisdom teeth growing.

A slight pain on my right jaw. Keep hearing from friends that it's painful to get it removed. Swelling, numbness, and all that terrible stuff.

Hopefully I won't have to get it removed.

But now my gum is infected.

So I gotta go to the dentist.

For now I'm taking medications.

Ugh.

Sexiled,

UGH

It was the first tkd class of the year. Split up into an hour for beginners and an hour for intermediate/advanced. Persuaded a lot of my friends to go but only about half came.

Good refresher. Only that we're still working on getting a bigger place to practice.

There is a reason we paid the extra fee for housing-- to get an upgrade. 

Isn't it ridiculous how residential life only enables the built-in air conditioner in the room when the NY Giants come? 

What is this bs... 

Went out for a jog alone a lap around campus. It was a scorching hot 88 degree afternoon. It was so hot and humid that I had to take multiple breaks. In total, I'm guessing, it took me about an hour. Originally I was supposed to jog with a friend but he couldn't wake up on time. 

At the same time I kind of knew that something like that would happen. 

My skin was sun-kissed and sweaty by the time I got to the dining hall to get some food. Scrambled eggs, tater tots, and ham. 

I walked back to my dorm, showered, brushed my teeth, did the laundry, and ate a late lunch with a friend. 

"Taekwondo is tomorrow," he said.

"It is," I said. 

I thought about the club last year. Then I thought about how many members we lost, how many we're going to gain, and the sense of getting back to that training life. In fact many of my friends and people I know quit. 

One girl told me last year that she was going to definitely start coming to taekwondo, giving me a high-five approval. 

"I want to make friends and get to know people more," she told me, crying. It was the first time I ever saw her cry. 

And it was at that time where I suggested to her to join the club. 

If she doesn't come tomorrow, then I don't know if I can trust anybody. 

Promises and plans are very important, especially towards friends. If you break them or change them, then it really hits the person who planned it hard. At least say beforehand you can't do it. It's a huge problem I've been experiencing lately. I'm trying to help others succeed but they just don't seem to care. If you can't jog then don't say you could. Don't agree. If you can't hang out then don't say you could later. Just say it. 

Don't break plans. Remind me beforehand. It's one of the biggest pet-peeves I have. That's all I ask.