2015 is soon coming to a close. In standard Japan time, it's currently 10:30 pm. Nothing really exceptional happened this year. It's probably the calmest year for me. Looking back, I can only say that I've learned a lot of lessons.

I wish for a happy and healthy 2016.



Some pointers about Tokyo compared to the US, or, more specifically, NYC:

- Less trash cans. On the flipside, there are bathrooms everywhere. Plus they're clean and technologically up to date.

- No public parks where you could just relax and leisurely play, say, some ball. Every recreational activity you could think of is indoors. There are a bunch of buildings with multiple floors.

- Trains are on-time, and when I mean on-time, not even a minute late. On those rare occasions where they are, they'd apologize.

- Talk on the phone in the train and all you'd get is reproachful looks. It's rude.

- Everyone is careful about everything. Probably from a sprinkle of Shintoism—people are considered gods, so everyone treats everyone with humble respect and politeness.

The End of the Fall

Shortly nighttime fell. Sipping on beer, I studied for a few hours and got some light casual reading done. I wrote. I didn't know how I felt. I was confused about my emotions. I wasn't mad but I wasn't happy either. Something I wanted to reveal I revealed, and now there's no secret to keep. I had nothing else to hide because I spilled them out. What was there left of me? Just the simple truth. A memory that could never be erased. Yet I didn't want to change anything.

What an odd circumstance. 

It was the last day for most people in my hall. Most of the exchange students left for home. Empty suites all throughout the floor. It didn't hit me until now that they were gone next semester. But like I told my friend, people come and people go. That's life.

"Wow. Journalist, Sean," she said.

I finally arrived home in the evening. I was the last to leave the suite, and felt like the last one to leave campus. It was a ghost town. The night before, I spent the day eating lunch and chilling with friends until the wee hours of the morning. Come four in the morning and one of my friends was to leave for Chicago. I wanted to say something to her before she left, but she was on the phone. Once everyone left, I went back to the suite and heaved a huge sigh, when someone knocked on my door.

"Someone fucked up the wall on the third floor," one of my friends said.

"How's that again?"

"Come with me," she said. "I don't understand how people have time to do this.."

Whereupon we went upstairs and there it was. A punctured wall. At least it was drywall and not filled with asbestos. An empty beer bottle was on the floor near the broken wall. We searched throughout the hall and patrolled the area for suspects. But no luck.


When I came home, after a four hour car ride back, I hugged my mom and sighed. I was back. She and I were both in smiles. While dragging my luggage to my room, I took a look around the place and thought to myself. Just one more semester and I was done with... college. I didn't want it to end for some reason. I wanted to have more fun, but time didn't seem to slow down. The semester came to a close, classes finished, people went back home. That's all. And it kept going, for generations. That's life.

Mutual Circles

It was a chilly evening. I rode the bus to the mall. Save for the young couple in the front and another lady sitting across from me, the bus was rather empty. I stared at the nighttime passing scenery. A row of red taillights followed the road. For some reason, I didn't have the urge to listen to music. While listening to the monotonous bus engine murmur and the bus driver announcing the stops, I thought about what I could do in the remaining few days I was here before break. 

 I went to the drug store to purchase some cosmetics and the department store to window shop. It was an hour before closing but there was still a reasonable number of people roaming around. I thought about making a pit stop to a bar, but hell I couldn't spend money like that. 

"Free sample?" the lady asked me when I passed the food court. A piece of chicken stabbed with a toothpick. I passed. 

I made my way to a body lotion store. One of my friends happened to work here so I figured why not make a visit. She was there carrying a box on her shoulder, hard at work. Holiday songs were serenading through the ceiling speakers. 

"Whatcha looking for?" she said. 

"A present for mom." 

"Good son you are," she said, putting the box down. "What kind of flavor does she like?"

I thought about it for a while. "I guess anything that's fruity." 

"Fruity... fruity," she roamed around the floor at guided me to one section. "Our newest. Holiday edition."

I sampled one. Pretty citrusy. She would like it, I thought. 

"We have the spray or the body cream. Might as well take both."

"Done." 

"Anything else you need?" 

"I'm good," I said. "When are you here until?"

"7:30 ish," she said. "Long day."

"You're doing well."

Once I paid, I made my way back to the bus station. The weather got chillier. Once the bus arrived, I heard someone call my name. It was a familiar voice and a familiar tone. I looked back and it was nobody other than my crush, who was with her friend. Just yesterday we agreed that we were nothing more than friends. What were the odds of bumping into her tonight. I sighed to myself and my hand began to lightly shake. 

"What did you buy?" she said. 

"Lotion."

"Lotion?" she dipped her head to one side in wonder. 

We went on the bus, and there I was, blank. I had a feeling I was going to see her somewhere tonight, and I was right. Somehow we both saw each other and found ourselves coming back from the mall. 

"How was your day?" I asked. 

"Boring. Woke up at 1, slept, worked out, went to the dining hall, and came to the mall."

"You buy anything?"

"Nope," she smiled. 

Her friend, however, was carrying a few shopping bags and was on the phone speaking in Korean. 

"Did you eat?" she asked. 

"Nope. Hungry as could be."

"Do you want rice?" 

"I'm good, thank you."

"You can mix it with ramen."

We went back to our rooms, and I took a shower. 

I looked out the window for the longest time, staring at nothing in particular. Norah Jones lulled me to sleep. 

The Beauty of Transience

There is a beauty in everything, but more precisely, transience. Certain beauty can only exist for a limited time, and that's why it's so beautiful. Autumn leaves ooze fire-like colors, then fall. Flowers bloom, then wilt. We live, then die. We cannot ride a fun roller coaster forever. Nothing is forever. Yet that impermanence is what makes life so wonderful and worth living. We assuage our desires with these impermanent features.

This is something that exists in our lives, forever. Cherishing what we have at the moment is what we must do. Sometimes, we can't help it. Sometimes we just have to deal with the situations. Perfection is flawed, and it can never happen. Why do people have bucket lists? 

Scene II:

I feel like a huge mass of something came out of me. I revealed something, and it's there forever. 

Operation Walmart 10:15

Exactly a year ago from today, this is what I wrote on my blog:

I grabbed my bag, put on my wool coat and trekked my way through, thankful that the snow finally subsided. The wind brushed the remnant snow left on the rooftop of a house as it ghastly billowed in the air. Cars were slowly passing through the icy roads. 

Fast forward to December 2015 and it hasn't snowed yet. The temperature is in the near 60s. A guy is walking around in shorts and a tee.

White noise everywhere. The four of us were studying for finals.

Silence.

Earlier today I submitted my research paper for one of my classes. Hoping that this one would turn out good.

Yeah? Yeah.

Sour cream and onion..

Lately I've been in charge of everything. I tend to make parties happen, make it live, kick it with some fire, add some spice.

Invited and organized 13 people to go to a taekwondo dinner at a Korean restaurant. Although a bit hectic, it was well worth it. I was unintentionally thrown into this position of being the public relations guy (the guy who makes this all happen). Maybe I was the only person they could trust.

A few days ago my friend had his birthday party. Without me inviting a few more of my friends, the party would've been dead.

The Korean food was good. A bit spicy but still decent. The waitress and I recognized each other.

Interlude of December 10, 2015

I want to curl up and read, but I don't even have the luxury to do that right now.

Academics aside, if I were to describe my situation right now, I would be Tsukuru Tazaki and she would be Sara. 

Here I am with my green tea. Subpar salad currently digesting. Bland and tasteless. 

"Confess...? What is this some kind of anime?" I recalled my roommate say to me last night. 

Jacket-less weather today, oddly. Mid-December and this is what we have. 

Classes are no longer in session. I felt a certain sense of satisfaction and loneliness intermingled together, like patches of clouds drifting along the sky. Or birds sitting atop branches. The two combine and go together. That's how it seemed to me. 

Yawn

Next week is the big week. I'd be over with my crucial finals and my week will be free. 

Awkward silence in the suite. 

Zero holiday spirit here on campus.. it's so depressing. I keep forgetting it's Christmas in about two weeks. 

Sometimes you have to be bold in order to get the answer

My mood

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I don't know if it's just me, but my surroundings have become very depressing as if a large blanket was covering over me. Everyone's sick or just not in the mood. Messages left in the air, scornful looks, attitudes. Perhaps because finals are approaching. The dining halls seem more empty than usual. Everything, and everyone, in fact, seemed to exude a melancholy vibe. This all happened right when I got back from Thanksgiving break.

Toothbrush, elusive suitemate, two hares

I came back to the dorm around the evening from a medium-haul bus ride. The lights were off. My room was just the way I left it. My roommate's side was miraculously clean. I unpacked my stuff and realized I was the only one here. I went to the bathroom, but something felt off. I realized my toothbrush was missing. Where could it have gone? Fortunately I had packed another one, but how could my toothbrush suddenly vanish like that? Did someone take it? Everything else was just the way it had been. I messaged my roommate as he was the last one to leave the suite, but got no reply.

Half-perplexed, I went to the dining hall to eat with my friend. As I sat down, I felt a sensational hunger. I got everything the dining hall could offer, but couldn't finish any plate because of its bland, uninspiring taste. Even the drink was not great. The fizz was lacking. Overall the dining hall was empty. With halfhearted movements and expressions, employees served the students in sheer ennui. It seemed like this was the last place they wanted to be. Nothing was worth noting as everything was the same.

Outside the wind produced a lonely howling breeze. Buildings here and there were still under construction. For now they remained as nothing but pillars and rails, but in a few years this site would have a movie theater, extra study rooms, a gym, and more. Now it was however just a skeleton of a building.

The sky was already dark, and nighttime had come. An ominous bitter breeze hit me, leaves swirling in the air. Winter was coming.

When I came back, my other suitemate had come back. But minutes later, he left the room without notice. Just where could he have gone? My best guess would be the library, as he was a studious person. We usually didn't communicate unless it was something urgent. Most of the time he would be on his desk studying away. He didn't attend much parties as he was the stay-home type, yet his presence was not at all a bother to me and I'm sure he thought the same for me. He's a nice one who you could always depend on. With him gone, it was back to only me in the suite. The rest of the suitemates were coming the next day, so I had a night to relax.

With Christmas songs serenading me, I tried to get some work done. Slowly, I began to realize my college life was coming to a close. After I breezed through these finals, I only had one more semester left. In retrospect, I haven't done anything remarkable.

"You went to parties," my friend said.

"That isn't the most important thing," I said. "Parties are parties. They happen everywhere."

He mumbled something to himself. "I dunno, you met people. Met new friends."

"Friends like you," I said, kicking a pebble. "Yeah, that's one thing I appreciate. But everything seems to go by so quick. I can't believe it."

He didn't say anything.


Who knew where I was going post-graduation. Though it was something I needed to slowly plan out, in due time.

"Altoid?" he said, flipping the lid of the tin case.

"Don't mind if I do."

When I came back to my room, my suitemate still wasn't there. I watched a couple Japanese comedies, ate a banana, read, and scribbled down some thoughts on my notebook, but I couldn't write anything. Half giving up, I threw my pen on the desk, put my hands around my head and kicked back, staring at the bare wall in front of me. Nothing. But at one point, I thought of a proverb that my mother had told me earlier,

He who runs after two hares will catch neither. 

Have a focus point and focus on that one thing. Only on those rare occasions will the two hares collide with each other. I closed my eyes and dreamed. Thought of a rabbit hopping in a plain field somewhere in the open. It didn't know where it was, but it kept hopping. It was alone. Did it know where it was going?

Just when I was about to continue imagining the lone rabbit, the suite door opened and my suitemate came back.

The Holidays are approaching. Stores blast out holiday songs, Christmas tree vendors occupy a number of streets, and Christmas decorations are set up here and there. I want to watch Elf now.

It's a good break. I got to see my mom, shop, eat authentic food and escape from campus.

When it comes to jobs, there is a distinct difference between the US and Japanese hiring process. While Americans tend to steer more toward jobs that fit their speciality and/or interests, the Japanese focus primarily on the individual. They encourage everyone to have an equal level of understanding and skill. Therefore, there is no room for creativity. In Japan, companies tend to strive to have employees no matter their major. Based on their viewpoint, they take new graduates and train them from the ground-up. Thus, at work, there is a high chance that you wouldn't be able to utilize the skills you learned in your college major.

That took me aback for a bit.

Oh, by the way, Happy Thanksgiving!

Not even my computer. Not even my bed. Not even her computer. Not even her bed. 

But that smile is, and always will be, hers.

I woke up and saw the cloudy Boston skyline from out the window. The captains were preparing to land the cessna plane. Five other people were on board. It was the first time I was on such a small plane. Usually when I'm on a plane I'd expect PA announcements, in-seat television and entertainment, large roaring engines (Rolls Royce), flight attendants and refreshments. But the aircraft was so compact that there was no room for any of that. You couldn't fully stand. It took me aback, but it was fun. The captains were right there, operating the plane.

It was a smooth landing.

"Thanks for flying with us," one of the captains said. "Please exit from one of the doors."

I was headed for a Japanese job interview. I think I did okay. It was my first official Japanese interview.

Boston and Back

It was a journey across the state. I was Boston bound for a job fair.

I checked the time and it was around four in the morning. I muted my alarm. I rubbed my eyes and squinted out the window to see that it was still pitch dark. I stretched, yawned, and splashed my face with water. Turning on the bathroom light was a struggle. Squinting my eyes, I brushed my teeth and shaved. I took a swig of water, and changed into my crackling new suit. I packed in my briefcase my notes, folders, snacks, a drink, and an umbrella. I called a cab and over the other line was a man with a deep, baritone voice. A monotonous tone, a tone that seemed as if working was the last thing on his mind. Strange things tend to happen in the early mornings. I threw on my peacoat, applied a dash of cologne, and headed out the door. Still half asleep, I stumbled my way to the cab, the chilly breeze welcoming me. Nobody else was walking. I yawned once more. Birds were chirping melodiously somewhere above. The half-moon hung atop the sky, as if watching my every move.

Leaves on the ground scattered from the wind. It was the hour where everyone on campus was asleep. It wasn't the weekend where you'd occasionally catch drunk students wandering around campus. It was a Friday morning in the hushed AM hours. What could anyone possibly be doing at a time like this?

The lonely cab was idle in the road. I got in, and greeted the driver, who was a lady with round-rimmed glasses. 


"You here for 5:15," she asked me.


"You bet."

"Where you going?"

"Bus terminal."

"Aight come on in."

She was wearing an oversized jacket with a blanket rested on her lap. She was counting money as she was driving, something that got me feeling suspicious at one point. Meanwhile, I was looking at my exhausted-looking self from the side mirror. After a little meet and greet, I learned that she was a great poet and creative writer. Not to mention, she had a passion for law school. 

"I want people to do the right thing, be a little thoughtful to one another," she said, eyes straight on the road. "I was in an accident on the 10 bus when the driver slammed the breaks in 8:45 in the morning. I've been trying to find a lawyer but he be tellin' me he won't support me because I got no bruises or fractures what am I supposed to be, dead? I just wanna be a private investigator or lawyer and learn this myself and help people the way they should be helped. I don't back down that's me. I was disabled since 2001 when my back popped when I was working underground at SUNY. That's why this accident doesn't slip away.. I don't let it slip away from me that easily." 

She handed me her business card as she dropped me off in front of the terminal. I got on the bus, and slept for most of the ride. 

At the career fair, a horde of people with identical attire were walking around the place. I could never really distinguish them unless I really paid attention. It was something else. 

It took me six hours to get back. Heavy traffic, transfers. When I got back at the bus terminal, which was around ten, I waited for the bus. Shortly, a taxi cab slowly approached the curb and stopped right in front of me. What gives, I thought. I looked in the driver's seat and out came someone familiar. It was the lady who drove me here in the morning. 

She called my name. "Is that you?"

"No way," I said. 

This just goes to show how connected the world is, and how, by chance, we might bump into one another. 

"You know that's why I want to take up on law school. I want to help people the right way, you know what i'm sayin'?" she said. "None of all that bullshit I get from what happened to me."

The next day I got up in the afternoon, only to wake up from a phone call from one of the companies I applied to yesterday. They wanted an interview for the next day. This meant that I had to go back. No buses nor train that could get there on time for the interview.

 So the only alternative was via air. 

Back to Boston I was. 

 Yesterday the taekwondo demo team performed again at the Egg, but not many of our friends saw it.

After tonight I really believe that chance happens in oftentimes banal, unprecedented moments. It's all about timing, like I mentioned in one of my novellas.

It's amazing how a simple concept like time can shape our lives.

Weekends are boring here. You can't get anywhere unless you have a car. And I want to go out. I feel trapped.

What is True Love

In our generation, what do we talk about when we talk about love? Is love even a thing now?

The old-fashioned way is slowly deteriorating. True, physical contact is diminishing. We resort to our phones whether it be Facebook or text. Messages are temporary, and they instantly disappear from us. Gone are the days where we need to physically see a person all the time because there are so many ways we can reach one another.

There's a hidden gem we overlook nowadays: Letters. Nobody ever really sends them anymore, unless you are, say, a middle schooler tucked away in sleepaway camp or writing yourself a recommendation letter. The point is, we only write letters when you need to. But if you ever do have the time, handwritten letters are touching. They are personal and nice to receive. You can notice the writer's distinct handwriting, see the slight smudge of ink along the paper, and you can keep it. Letters allow you to reflect on the message in a more sincere and thoughtful way. It sticks with you.

Yet technology is hindering that beauty. There is no room for an intimate, personal connection anymore.

Let's start with the basics. With the rise of Tinder among other dating sites, approaching a woman is slowly becoming a foreign concept. We judge people based on their pictures. With Facebook messenger and Snapchat, nobody ever calls these days anymore unless it's urgent. We are living in a world of pictures, emojis, stickers, and abbreviated messages, devoid of real voices and handwritings. The concept of love is slowly changing. We are more apt to see each other in a superficial means.

I happened to think about this after reading stories of soldiers writing letters to their wives in WW2. To think how different life is now.

Where do you want to be right now? Or, strictly speaking, what is your ideal date?

I want to be in a lot of places at the same time right now. After a while you get tired of living on campus. There's not much to do, and a lot of the places are closed. The campus gets dead on the weekends. So where do I want to be? I want to rent a car and drive around a scenic road in the countryside. Perhaps I take a girl with me. We both feel the autumn breeze, and gaze at the golden autumn leaves. In the evening we head to a drive-in movie theater and watch a movie. In the night we enjoy a few cocktails while listening to some live jazz at a tucked-away bar. That's the ideal date. Maybe somewhere in Boston. 

Why not at the town you reside now?

You know that is an option, but it just limits the possibilities because it's rural. If we were in the city, there would be so many things to do, but here I am in a town where you couldn't get anywhere without a bus. And the bus gets overwhelmingly crowded during the weekends. Literally it's a mosh pit full of students getting on. It's stressful. Good luck on a Friday night. 

I can't go anywhere outside of campus without some form of transportation. I'm not used to this.. the nearest deli is miles away from here. 

What is your type?

I tend to like the girl-next-door type but with a sprinkle of sass and toughness. 

Describe a typical day

I get up rather early, around nine. I eat breakfast, attend class, lunch, and then attend my remaining classes. I always end at 5:35. After that I eat dinner around 6:30-7, then attend taekwondo. I shower, do my work, and sleep. 

When your classmates respect you and don't sit in your unofficial assigned seat. Always appreciate that. Haha.

Diamonds dancing.

Stream of consciousness writing.

Paranoid of papers but I know they're going to be good. Paranoid whether she will say yes but I know she will.

Cold weather recently, well, getting chillier. That's my kind of weather.

shirt shirts.. why do i have so many

iron ugh

Post-ignorance phase

Took the first test of the semester and praying that I did good on it. The weather is drastically getting breezier. And when the weather drastically decreases, the influx of students getting sick increases. While taking the test, I was sandwiched between two coughing and sneezing classmates. There was no way I could avoid them.

But I enjoy this fall weather. My mood suddenly starts to steer away from the summer days, and I look forward to those colder ones. It's a transition period, like ice turning into water, water turning into ice. Leaves turning bright orange, the autumn colors standing out at its peak.

For the time being, I spend my days being both active and studious as often as I can. I jog around the track field a couple times to break a sweat while listening to tunes, workout with my friends, and attend taekwondo from time to time. On the weekends I copy-edit articles for the newspaper. There's nothing worth noting whatsoever. Yeah, I'm bland like that.

I went out with a girl a year my senior for two weeks, but then all of a sudden she stopped responding to my messages. I was left hanging with a question never answered. The bond was pretty much one-sided, so I gave up in the meantime. She was hard to read. Nothing I could really do about that. For now, the ball's in her court. To note, she does play basketball. If she doesn't respond, it's her loss. She was cute. She was someone I wanted to get to know better but I guess she didn't feel the same with me.

I needed a cigarette, but of course I didn't smoke. I just hate rejection and being ignored. But it's inevitable sometimes. I've dealt with it, in all forms, from asking people whether they registered to vote to asking girls out through text. When she doesn't exude any signs of interest, it's a waste of my effort to ask her out again. But then there's those who play hard to get, but I don't deal with those. When we click, we click. Why try to be uninterested when you actually like them?

Yawn.

Now where were we... ah, about her.

Nah, let's change the subject.

What I really want to do is go to a drive-in movie theater or go to some live jazz bar. With a girl. Heck, i'd even go alone, though it would be a tad sad. Look at that, I rhymed. This town doesn't really have any of that, unfortunately, but if there is one, you better hold my beer while I go.

I got a fresh cut the other day. The barber was wearing high-heels and talking with her two girlfriends. She was dressed as if she was about to head to a nightclub of some sort. At first I thought I made the wrong choice, but I gave in and the end result wasn't so bad after all. Now, a little sidetracking here: I don't know exactly but I heard when Korean women cut their hair short it's because they want to be in a new, refreshed mood. Something happened, whether it be breaking up or getting rejected, anything, and they want to cut their hair to forget about it. I don't think it just applies to Korean women, though.

What's the time?

9:14

A few people were pledging out on the campus. They were running around in a straight line. I never understood that. I don't like people telling me what to do, unless of course they have far more experience and knowledge than me.

Whatever.

The Right Moment

The couple was sitting under the bus stop shelter. It was drizzling. It was about fifteen minutes after midnight. The boy needed to ride the bus back to get home, while her home was right around the corner. The boy thought about walking her home, but instead, he decided to sit with her at the bus stop until the bus came.

"It's a nice neighborhood to live," she said. "The police station is right there and there's an elementary school a few block from here."

"So it's pretty safe," he said.

"Yeah. My friends also live within this area so it's nice."

She didn't have an umbrella so he gave his to her.

"Borrow it for tonight," he said.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine."

"Take it," he said. "Once I get off the bus my dorm is just a walk away. You'd need it on your walk back."

"Then how am I gonna return it to you?"

"Simple. We meet again."

She smiled. "Okay. Definitely."

The rain fell, and it didn't seem to subside anytime soon. When it rained on the weekend everything instantly became depressing. Unless you had a partner to cuddle with indoors, there's not much you could do. All you could do was stay indoors and actually consider studying for once.

My roommate and I flocked to the dining hall in the rain. Because of the Jewish holidays, only one dining hall was open. I had on my blue windbreaker, shorts and flip flops while he had on jeans and a tee. The weather was in the 60s. The campus was empty. We silently ate the bland food. I stared out the window, my mind pretty blank. Nothing was exciting here. The people, the vibe, nobody and nothing really stood out. Maybe the rain made it seem so. Whatever the case, each passing day was the same.

I wanted to jog around the track in peace but the yucky weather didn't allow me.

Before I knew it, the cleaning staff came over to our table. I was halfway through my salad.

"It's closing time," she said.

Great. Just great.

She came fifteen minutes early. The weather was drizzling. Not the greatest. We ate at a small noodle place. It was silent, with only about a few customers. A Thursday night. We talked about our basic backgrounds, how we knew our mutual friends, among others. I paid the bill and we headed off to bowling. I held my umbrella under her, as she smoked a cigarette. Everywhere else was quiet as the deep sea.

We got ourselves a pitcher of beer and shared it at the bowling alley. We had a good conversation.

"Chinese can be more poetic than English," she said. "But for me English is easier to speak."

A few strikes and spares later, her friends showed up, and we ended up joining them..

I wish that didn't happen.


In the end I escorted her back. We were sitting under the bus station shelter, the rain hitting from above. It was my chance to make a move, but something held me back. But what.. She didn't look so happy, smiled only a couple times throughout the night. Maybe that was just her.

"I had a good time," she said.

"Did you really?"

"I did," she was looking at the ground.

The bus came, we hugged, and I left.

The second weekend

The days go.

The crows caw on this breezy afternoon full of sunshine. The clouds are ceaselessly drifting. In intervals, you could hear the cicadas crying. The thought of a nap seems just the perfect thing to do. But here I am with a cup of coffee and a notepad in front of me. Bruce Springsteen on the speakers, mingled with the crows and the cicadas. I trust you are well.

I'm a senior working on my humanities major.

Thud

Excuse me for that, my textbook just fell on the floor. You know, I'm at the phase where I can't seem to tell whether school started or not. It started, but I'm just not in the zone.. yet. With all the Jewish holidays in between, you know what I mean. Here I am in my fourth year and I still can't even locate my mailbox.

Of course I have homework, but of course it's not the first thing you want to think about. Honestly, it depresses me just entering the library devoid of any sound but occasional printers. Every time I enter the library I feel that it's an obligation for my studies, but at the same time I ask myself what am I doing here. Also,

It's hot.

It's really hot. When hundreds of computers are on, you know it's real. And not just in the library but outside as well. The sun can't beat us; it beats us good.

Regardless, I ran around the university track field today and did a mini burnout drill in the end.

Sometimes I feel too old to live in the dorms. Sometimes I get a gut feeling that I should be living off-campus at an apartment. I realized this when I crashed at my roommate's girlfriend's place after a party at a bar a few days ago.

I drank with the gang I had lived with last year, and, in the end, they all somehow left me and my drunk roommate. He was gone, I tell you. I guided him to the bus stop, only to see the bus filled with other students. Needless to say, the bus zoomed passed us as if we were clumps of dust that bespoke no visible impression. That was the last bus of the night.

So the only thing to do was to walk back. It would take us a good forty-five minutes to an hour. The streets were dark, with very limited lights. It was reaching two in the morning, yet somehow nothing scared me. I put my arm around my drunk roommate and guided him. All the while he was babbling some nonsense ranging from wanting another beer to maintaining the taekwondo club. For reasons unknown, he took out twenty dollars from his pocket and gave it to me. There we were, the two of us, walking in the pitch black streets. One pretty sober, one completely gone. Cars passed us, casually. I tried hailing a cab but it hit me that we weren't in NYC. Meanwhile my roommate would continue to whine about craving another beer. I told him no, but drunk people didn't listen. I was getting annoyed. But it gave me a good laugh.

I called my roommate's girlfriend, as she lived pretty close, and she finally came. While my roommate slept in her room, I slept on her living room couch. I was wearing jeans and a striped tee. Uncomfortable, but it couldn't be helped. Once I lay down, sleep immediately consumed me like a huge cloud covering the sun.

Come morning, I got up and took a swig of water from the mug that she must've placed on the coffee table when I was sleeping. Birds were chirping from out the window. I walked to their bathroom and took a long piss. There were large, dark circles under my eyes. I checked my wristwatch that I accidentally wore overnight and it was nine in the morning. I yawned a couples times, stretched, and sighed. The rest were still sleeping. In the meantime I looked around the place. It was pretty decent. They had a spacious living room, kitchen, and a small terrace outside. A few steps up led to four rooms, all of which were locked. I'd live here, I thought.

I decided to go back myself. I slipped on my shoes and headed out the door. For a second I thought of being in a one-night stand, only that I didn't have a girl to bring back. Parked by the garage was their car. I took one last look at their home and walked to the bus stop. The morning mist slapped my face while the birds continued to chirp. While taking the bus, I thought about the drastic difference dorm life was. I'd want a spacious living room, a terrace, a single room. But what's done was done.

Classes are off to a normal start. Nothing remarkable. Nothing new at all. But three days a week, three of my friends and I go to the gym to work-out. My muscles (especially my biceps) have been sore this entire week. But that's when you know you're doing it right.

The dining hall as usual has subpar eats. Usually however it's on the bad side. There aren't any moments where I'd raise my eyebrows and praise a dish. The foods either too salty, too watery, or something else. It's nothing special at all. I miss real food.

These days all I do is dream. That's how I get by. I attended a party last weekend and ended up disappointed on all levels. This wasn't the way I wanted to start off my senior year. Not one bit. The party was well-organized (I'll give them that), but I seemed to get sucked in with the wrong people. Not that they weren't cool. I just didn't click with them. Topics ranged from anime, the Japanese language, and you get the idea after that. I don't know why, but I seemed to lure in these types of people. Hanging out with these people aren't really my thing. Needless to say, they were mostly underclassmen. Accompanied by warm beer, nothing seemed to be going the way they should be. My suitemate and I went together, taking a taxi crammed with other students for 2$ to the house party. The bus at the time was hectic, crowded and flooded with drunk students. It was a tidal wave, an endless stream of students shoving one another, desperate to get on the bus. That's when I thought I needed a car. Nobody wanted to end up there.

So much for those 2$.

And now I'm slowly recovering from this disappointment by dreaming. Dreaming about a much better way to start off my senior year. I still need a moment where I can officially call it the start of my senior year. Granted, classes began kickstarting, but that's inevitable. I need an event that I can cherish, something that can make me feel that my final year in college is alive.

About a third of the campus is closed for construction, so nothing seems the same. Hang out areas are thus limited now. It's probably the worst time to be on campus, but I'm positive that there will be excitement waiting for me.

the start of senior yr

And just like that, I am back to reality. 

Living in the dorms as a senior is a different feeling. Sometimes I feel like I want to live elsewhere, maybe in an apartment. Living in dorms make me feel young for some reason. Plus, there aren't that many seniors living on campus. 

My schedule is pretty relaxing. I've had one class and already it feels like it's going to be a long semester. Not that I'm expecting anything. But luckily, I know three other people in the class. I've yet to see what my other classes are going to be like. 

Almost all of the campus center is blocked by construction, and it feels depressing as ever. I wasn't aware of this, and it totally threw me off guard. In other words, aside from the convenience store and the pizza place, there aren't that many places to eat or chill out that much. Suddenly the campus feels so much smaller. Honestly I was shocked. 

To add, I barely bump into anyone I know anymore. They're around, probably, but so far, not so many. A majority of my friends graduated so in a sense, it's as if I am a freshman again, starting over and finding a new group of people to chill with. 

Maybe things will start to kick in and become exciting when the weeks progress, I don't know. But as of now, there isn't anything especially worth noting. 

First. Day. Of. Classes.

Let's go.

Haven't been able to update for a while. It just kind of goes to show how uneventful my days are going. Throughout the week I intern at a real estate firm, basically helping out with the content and marketing aspects. The place is very laid back, and there's little to no rush. Not much of the stuff we produce gets anywhere special, but it does show that the company is on top of its feet when it comes to news. It's not the most exciting place to be, but it's all I got so far.

A couple days ago I celebrated my friend's birthday at a hot pot restaurant. Days before I was an apparent wingman for my friend, which, didn't end well.

It was my first day at my internship. Just not a fan of the morning and evening rush hour. Not a lot happened, but I got to know the basic ins and outs of the working place. I signed documents, listened to the training presentation, and wrote an article. Most of what I do is content writing. Seems like your typical office. Looking forward to working here. Good things are bound to come.

Down to One

Graduation ends, as everyone goes back to their homes. 

Yesterday two of my good friends and I had lunch and we each had fortune cookies. All three of our fortunes were so scarily accurate. 

One friend's was:

Money comes, money goes. But yours will grow.

Back in January he had lost $2000 from a scam. Today he negotiated with consumer affairs. 

My other friend's was: 

You will get a huge surprise

And in graduation, one of his friends came all the way from the city to attend. 

"Did she tell you that she was coming," I asked him.

"Kind of," he said. "But still I didn't know she was actually coming."

My friend is going back to Korea after he completes his last summer course. I would not be able to see him for a good damn while. But that's life. 

My fortune was:

Love will lead the way. 

I escorted my friend Naoya to the subway station today. Last night he didn't have money for a hotel so he slept at Brooklyn Bridge Park. He walked over the Brooklyn Bridge with his luggages twice. Seriously I've never met a person who would do such a thing. Such good memories. 

Last year around the same time I remember escorting another friend of mine to Penn Station. He was going back to Korea to serve in the mandatory military service. 

But I waved Naoya goodbye until the subway left. And then it hit me how they all left. Just like that. My junior year was officially over. 

Day by day, everyone starts leaving campus. Students are packing their belongings and placing it in their parents' cars. Day by day, the campus gets quieter, and emptier. Rows and rows of vacant, foldable chairs are lined up outside the main field on campus. This is preparation for graduation.

 I can say that junior year for me was alright. I got to meet a lot of new friends, and got to challenge and involve myself in a lot of things. I'm sure my grades are above average, and I know I pushed hard for them. Though I had no luck with women, time will eventually come.

It's sad to see a lot of my friends graduating, moving on up in their lives. But that's life.

My junior year is finally over. I am done with all my finals. Four written assignments and one exam. All done.

Now my friends and I went to a newly opened Korean BBQ place, then went for some ice cream for dessert.

Good vibes, good friends. Relaxation.

Now the only things that are left is to pack my stuff and attend graduation for my senior friends.

Amazing how so many of my friends are leaving next year, heading to other countries.

These days I feel like nobody really knows what the hell they're doing. Most of the organizations and clubs here are student-run, so there's not much professionalism. In the Japanese Student Association, the e-board are arguing against each other and always don't seem to come to a consensus. In the student newspaper, I emailed them my article well in advance but they didn't publish it for two full issues. Today's issue was the last one for the semester and it really pissed me off that my article wasn't on it especially because the opinions editor emailed me last week that it will be on.

They really need to get their stuff together. I'm starting to have a stressful time dealing with incompetent people.

Tomorrow two of my suitemates are testing for their black belt and 2nd dan black belt. I was given the opportunity to test for 3rd, but all my life I've been testing at the dojang back in my hometown, and I feel most comfortable testing there. Sure, I do belong here for now, but in the end I'm only going to be studying here for one more year. Then I'd graduate. And sure, it does have lasting memories, but I wouldn't feel completely accomplished. The testing curriculum is different. It just doesn't seem right.

I got called however to help out with sparring. I plan to show them what I got. I will not lose. I have my pride.

The Homestretch

Finals week is approaching. It's literally looming, sneaking its way over here. E-board elections for the Japanese Student Association is also approaching. Though I'm not sure if I really want to contribute with them. My suitemates are testing/equivalency testing for their black belts so that should be pretty exciting. The semiformal is also just around the corner. Slowly, the semester is coming to a close. 

Recently everything for me has been the same. Nothing new ever happens. They say that if you want things to change you have to do it yourself. And I did. This semester I've involved myself in a lot more activities. I danced, I wrote for the school paper, and met some new friends. More to come. 

The Japanese Student Association presented their annual "J-Night" Saturday, where students
showed a number of singing, dance and calligraphy performances. 

Change isn't always great. You have to change effectively. Being who you are and continuing to be who you are is what counts. That's what people appreciate each other for. If you change too much, there's no more familiarity. Memories get crushed, and you're seen as a different person. At the same time you won't feel comfortable. 

These days I've been spending time in the library during the nights. I can always study here. One there are other students studiously studying (try saying that three times fast) around me so that gives me a bit of a motivation. And two, because it's nice and quiet. Although they really need to fix that freaking front door because it always slams. And three, because I can't really focus at the dorm. I always get distracted because there's always something going on in the suite. My neighbor and his girlfriend often visit during the nighttime, my suitemates always talk about something loudly or blast out music, and my roommate always plays his video games on his computer like there's no tomorrow while mumbling some gaming-rhetoric to himself. I don't completely own the suite so I can't tell them to be quiet. And that's what they enjoy doing and I respect their space. They're all awesome guys, don't get me wrong. Everyone has some sort of imperfections. 

Recently I've been feeling that there's been a lot of gossip about me around the Asian circle. Sure the university is large, but that circle is close-knit and cliquey. News gets circulated around them exclusively, I feel. And it's pissing me off. I need to meet new people and start a new lifestyle. 

Students were just lolling by the fountain outside a few days ago but now it's snowing.

Some people don't have common sense. Sure, you can have imperfections, but you gotta nail the fundamental parts, at least.

I recently have been helping out with the university's Japanese Student Association. I made their flyer and created their video for Japan-Night, an annual show where students show various performances and skits.

Yet they don't even credit me at all. They seem to take everything I do for granted, and nobody really appreciates what I do for them.

Also, when you know that you're going to be late for something, let me know that beforehand. Don't just not say anything.

I'm not trying to sound like a jerk. I just think that this is what people ought to do on a normal basis. And they aren't, which is why I'm ticked off at the moment.

Updates

Why is it that girls I always like and have gone out with disappear from my existence? They leave without notice, cutting ties with social media and contacts.


Anyway, today was pretty normal. During journalism class, three university students all the way from Kazakhstan spoke about their experiences here in America and how it's different from their home country. All three were pretty. Slender and tall. Yet one lady thought I was Chinese. So that was interesting.

Tonight I went to go eat at a noodle place around town with my Japanese friends. The place was alright. Nothing especially delicious but filled you up nonetheless. One difference I've noticed between America and Japan is that the Japanese like to share food, a lot. And if you don't, it's kind of considered not normal.

Trying to work on a project regarding immigration. Need to find subjects to interview and write about them.

I won the Japanese Speech Contest, which I'm proud of.

On Sunday I swam and ran around the track.

The editing process for the Japanese speech contest is never ending. This is probably my third or fourth draft, and I can't seem to have a solid one. My professor makes corrections and adds suggestions. Even if it seems like it's alright, it isn't. There's always something. It's difficult to deal with especially because it's in a foreign language.

I have so much things to do I don't even have time to sit down and relax. I envy my roommate playing video games. It's as if he has no work at all.


I haven't eaten with anyone for a while. I contacted a few friends but they either declined or didn't seem to answer. But that's life. Nobody can always be with someone.

The level of work is accumulating these past few weeks for me. And the work requires me to actually go out there and explore. It's not one of those assignments where you stay in your room and cram. It's reporting, which means I have to contact people, schedule interviews, get information from them, create a video, get pictures and report all of it in a clear, evocative way.

What's more, I've been admitted to participate in the East Asian studies speech contest, which is next week. Since I have a background in Japanese and everything, I thought about entering. I thought it would be unfair to others, but because my essay was about my race and nationality, the professor let me enter. That's the main thing I'm focused on right now.

Today the weather was a whopping 70 degrees. This kind of warm weather reminded me of last summer, those lazy summer days. A nostalgic feeling. A feeling that the end of the school year was in the homestretch. No more jacket.

But then again the summer is the time for being social-- there are more outdoor activities and hanging out outside. It's a joyful season where everybody's mood gets happier than ever.

Especially today where the weather suddenly got warmer.

The idea of the truth of coherence is journalism is poignant in that it reflects just a portion of the global, instantaneous world we live in. In other words, reality is different for everybody, and it's the writer's job to report it. To craft a symbolic moral. A greater truth. That's why they play the surrogate role, and allow the reader to see them in their shoes. To me, that's what good reporting is all about. To dig out the hidden facts and produce an afterglow that still lingers around you, like walking outside Lincoln Center after listening to the finale performance by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra. It numbs you for a while, as you take in the beauty of music. The beauty of sound.

"What do you do when you start to like someone who leaves in a month?"

"Leaves where?" I asked.

"Back to her hometown in Japan. It always happens to me. That's the thing about starting to like international students. It's hard because eventually their visa runs out and they have to go back before you know it."

"It's sort of like a fling then."

"Yeah... it's sad. When you start to have feelings for her when she has to go back. Last year too, I introduced myself to a girl the day before she graduated. I didn't even know. But I liked her."

"I guess you have a thing for second-semester seniors," I gave off a light laugh.

"It is, but I guess that's what life is all about."

It's been one hell of a week. And it's finally over, sort of. On Thursday we performed at K-Night, and it went alright. We made some mistakes, as some couldn't hold boards properly and break them. But it's all about learning from them that matters. We were asked to do it again at another event, so that's somewhat of good news. 

Apparently the demo instructor last year told my roommate that he was concerned about the dancing after watching the performance online. My inspiration was from the K-Tigers, and I wanted to combine dancing and taekwondo and see how it went at least once. Don't get me wrong, I still respect the art of taekwondo, it's just that I wanted to have a bit of some variety and K-pop flair instead of it being almost completely traditional since the event was mainly for K-Night. I did what I could do and am proud of the members for giving it their best.

There was a party the next night, and it wasn't as crowded and exciting as it used to be. My friend and I came a bit too early, and pretty much failed to be fashionably late and ended up standing around. That's always the thing with house parties. 

"Last year we had brawls," an e-board member says. "You would've liked it."

It was pouring so I ran back to the dorm. 

I've been so busy this week that I don't even have time to breath. Tests and quizzes every other day of this week, and K-Night, a student-run event where people perform on stage. I'm performing twice-- taekwondo demo that I mostly had to put together, and the Good Boy dance.

Being captain of the demo is not only fun but also stressful. There's so much you have to take into account including time-management, constructing the schedule for practices so that everyone is free, and consequences. That's a huge one. I've learned that I need to have back-up plans in case any complications arise, and there has been so many this past week. Some had to leave early, some were sick, etc. It's tough to plan alternatives, but I guess that's an inevitable part of the job. Confidence is another factor. You have to have it in order for the team to get motivated, because after all, the team looks up to the captain.

I brought the team all the way here, and finally it's our time to show them who we are tomorrow night.

So much work due next week. At the same time so many things happening next week.

Practiced dance.

Practiced demo team. We're doing a K-Tigers inspired taekwondo dance spectacular to Super Junior's "Sorry, Sorry."

It's a pretty different experience being the main captain of the team. So much responsibility, patience, and stress involved. But it's fun at the same time.

Later today I am to attend an awards ceremony, and meet with the Japanese-Student Association e-board staff to discuss what I can do as a prospective member.

What a life.

I've never really been more busy in my college career. Until now. I feel that things are starting to increase in intensity. I more and more realize that I have more to do than I expect. Currently it's four in the morning. I'm up to memorize my Japanese essay.

I started looking for internships for the summer and began browsing around jobs after I graduate. I narrowed down my interests, my skills, and searched around for companies. I need to get on it sooner rather than later.

On the other side of things, I have to instruct the taekwondo demonstration team, as I am one of the captains of the team, and rehearse for dance. Both performances are in five days.

Next week I have a quiz or a test every single day, and it doesn't seem to stop.

I just miss those days where I can casually kick-back and read a novel. I can't even do that nowadays.

The last one to get out of the suite and the first to come back. Had an overall good break, a relaxing one at that. Didn't meet any friends at all. Got some work done, read a lot, wrote a lot.

It snowed on the first day of spring.

The campus is deserted. The last day of silence and freedom for me before everyone else comes back.

These days I want to have a passion for something. Writing is nothing. It has to have some substance, some core element. Writing itself is like a car without the engine. We need the engine in order for it to move-- in other words, we need a topic to write about. A subject matter. Anyone can write. It's the idea of having a knowledge for something to write about.

Right now I feel like I know nothing. I'm stupid. I want to take up something. I want to go back and play the violin. Have a passion for something. Go and try out new things, take new classes, explore different places. Be productive as frequent as possible.

Everyday for me it's just the usual classes. No excitement, no parties. Weekends I spend my time alone in the pool, library, or at the dorm. I used to party frequently last semester, but I slowly began to drift away from that phase because I found out that it wasn't that fun. If anything I'd rather go to a cafe or a bar and casually drink there. Controlled music, relaxed vibe.

Recently things are just not the same. There's no excitement. No pleasure. My friend doesn't routinely eat with me anymore after our class, and immediately heads straight to the bus. I haven't spoken to a girl in months, except for one girl who's good friends with the suite.

"Everyone's escaping from me," I said, at the stack of books in the library.

How is it up here?

Well, it's cold and it's boring. Nothing much new.

The 101 suite is pretty much the same.

My friend recently had bought my roommate the last store-copy of the newest Monster Hunter for the 3DS. After several hours of play, he rants about how much the game sucks. But based on how much time he spends playing it, there's no doubt that it's enjoyable.

Meanwhile I had whiled away my hours with Netflix.

My other friend, Mr. Star, had completely cut ties with me, so it seemed, and now spent all his time with his girlfriend. For him, nothing in the world was more important than her.

His ex-roommate, of course, was probably smoking marijuana and cigarettes and god knows what else.

"N", a Japanese foreign exchange student, went to the city for one day just to get a whopping $60 haircut at a Japanese salon. The next day he was to move to a new dorm because he disliked his roommate.


Then, of course, there are the fibbers. A girl once invited me for some ramen together and then she forgot about it on the day we were supposed to go. My friend never once showed up to taekwondo class when he had told me multiple times that he will "definitely be there."

"You weren't there," I would say.

Then he'd either come back with an excuse about how his girlfriend made him stay or how he knocked out on his bed. Those were his two go-to excuses. Then I'd start to lose trust in them. Then again, I'd see students who don't clean up their own mess at the dining hall. Literally there are some people who just don't get it and need to grow up and learn. Sometimes I feel like I'm so out of place. I'm either not committing to things more enough or just in the wrong place.

The things you want can never really happen, while the things you don't want often happen. I guess that's just how life operated. I guess that's why we write fiction.

The weather is down to -2 F, probably the coldest I've had to bear. I zipped up my jacket all the way up, and wrapped my scarf up to the top of my nose. The dangerously cold wind chills froze my legs. I'm not looking forward to this unbearable weather.

In the meantime my friends and I went swimming. It was the first time I swam in years and it felt nostalgic.

What does it mean when a girl talks, flirts, and plays around with your friends except you? She either totally loathes me or likes me. Two very different possibilities.

Writing this as my roommate is eating a wrap completely filled with peanut butter.

I feel like I'm at that phase where the things I'm learning are forced and lead to nowhere. The readings, the handouts. All the dull pages of text that put me to sleep word after word. The what-am-I-learning type of feeling. Walking to class is always a pain especially from all the snow. Clumps of white ice blankets the entire road and sidewalks. Snow continues to fall endlessly. Expecting another storm on Thursday, and another one on Valentine's day weekend, according to my suitemate. I'm beginning to really hate snow.

Not much these days really motivate me. Classes are dull as ever. I take notes, listen, doze off, and leave when it ends. At random times I miss Japan and my home back in the city. I miss having real food. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm secluded, especially living on a suburban campus. Feel stuck, not much around. I have relatively the same type of food at the same dining hall. If I want to change my mood I can't really go anywhere beyond campus because there's really not much around. 

So it all comes down to the people. The friends. Usually I'm always the one to initiate, gather groups, and decide what to do. I gather my friends, regardless if they don't really know each other, and schedule something for all of us to do such as swimming, shopping at the mall, etc. Because in the end, what else is there to do? 

Every morning, I'd wake up around 9:45 and trek to the dining hall for breakfast. The time where the dining hall has nothing but bagels and cereal. Hot food such as scrambled eggs and bacon are served earlier but because I can't wake up that early, I just make do with my bagel and cereal. 

Shortly after I make my way to the library to review the stuff for my classes. If there's an upcoming test or quiz, well, then I study for that. Then class time, where all the students, in all directions, speed walk to their classes. 

I end class at 2:35 most days, and it's exactly the time when the dining halls close for hot food again. So then I have to make do with hamburgers, salad, and pasta-- something that even more brings me down. 

In the evenings everyday, I'm pretty much busy with taekwondo. It kind of gets me everytime. You feel like you're done for the day after going to all your classes, but nope, you still got taekwondo.

Once again, if you're not going to do it, then don't tell me.

And if you aren't going to stick to the plan, TELL me!


There are way too many times where I'm left with no updates. I'm already pissed off from my knee, which I hurt during taekwondo. I can still walk, but on occasions it still bugs me. I'm off to the health center next week and really hope that it's nothing serious.

"Aw I really hope it's nothing serious either," Melon said. "Poor boy."

When you're dedicated to a club, it basically takes over your life, especially if it also meets during weekends. 

Today I went on a shopping spree and got a haircut with friends. 

Tomorrow is the day where I am 95% sure that I will spar at taekwondo. Something I haven't done in ages. Boy that's going to be fun... It takes me back to those good old days when I was still a double black stripe training for my black belt. 

After that who knows. A girl I know invited me to have some ramen with her but still unsure about that. Then my friend invited me to get turned up but still also unsure about that. 

The more it goes by, the more worse and dull and terrible it gets. 

Everyday I go to the nearest dining hall from my dorm and always get there when they don't have hot food, which is around eleven in the morning. All they usually have are bagels, toast, and cereal. I end class everyday around two in the afternoon, and again, the dining hall is open, but only serves burgers, spaghetti, and pizza. Something they call "late lunch." And I can't help it because that's how my schedule works. Then in the evening almost everyday I have taekwondo, and it ends at 9-- the time when all the dining hall closes. If I go before then I'm gonna have to walk out in the cold and training before eating is unhealthy. It's terrible. I can never eat a decent meal recently. Dining halls should really consider serving food based on the schedule of classes. 

Around the daytime it snowed and in the evening it subsided. The remnant snow from the canopy blew from the wind, creating a snowstorm. After class, I took the bus to the mall to get toothpaste. Essentially, that's all I needed. I window shopped around, weaving my way in and out of stores from Macy's to Best Buy, yet nothing especially caught my eye.

The mall wasn't packed nor empty. A few shoppers were here and there, aimlessly strolling around. Store clerks stood, walked, sat. some were glancing at their nails, others blankly staring in space. A Taylor Swift-esque country song was moderately playing from the ceiling speakers.

Coming back, I headed to the library to type up a document. On Friday nights it was quiet as ever. A few hours later I strolled my way to the campus center to wolf down a sandwich. Norah Jones was my personal background music. Outside the sky had gone dim. Sheets of snow ghastly blew off from the bitter wind. Where was everybody at this time? I thought, staring at the occupied chairs and tables.

Meanwhile my good friend, Star, had recently met a girl and was starting to go on dates with her. The other day he and I attended an event--a meet-and-greet for new, international, and or transfer students to get to know more people. Although we weren't new students, we figured it was a good way to not only get free pizza but to also make connections. It was there when we met her, an international Chinese student. The criminal justice major was a decent 19-year-old girl with a keen interest in classic rock music, especially the Beatles and Nirvana. And her appearance--ripped skinny jeans and a black hoodie-- did not hide us from showing that fact. Her ash-grey hair went down just enough to hide her ears, and her eyes, round and brimming, exuded a sense of innocence and curiosity. The three of us mingled for about an hour or so, and in the end, exchanged contacts. After a few days, he had gotten a contact from her, and since then, had been continuing his streak of texting her.

"I think I'm going crazy," he said. "I didn't mean it but we keep texting."
"If you're going crazy then I think she potentially means something to you."
"I don't know yet," he said.

Tonight he was out with her for dinner. Their first date together. And sooner or later, he was going to swirl into her world.

Snow day was today-- I mean, uh, yesterday. Spent the day mostly indoors, writing and reading. Around six I headed to the dining hall, which was moderately packed with students. I had some vegetarian minestrone soup, salad topped with tuna, tomatoes, and black olives drenched in lite balsamic vinaigrette, two chicken wraps, spaghetti mixed with Alfredo sauce and broccoli, meatloaf, and cantaloupes and a slice of pear for dessert. I actually ate as much as a horse without even realizing it merely because I basically skipped lunch. Ended up eating with a friend I often bumped into whenever I ate at this dining hall.

On the way back I managed to catch the shuttle bus back. The snow had subsided. I had lost my earphones at some point once again, and I was for a few days, devoid of music flowing in my veins.

In general the school life was very bland. I only knew a limited number of people on campus. I met the same people in and out. But just recently I met three students from China at some social event. They spoke in broken but understandable English, and we talked for a good hour or so about just who the hell we were and what we did. In the end I happened to get a ride back home.

It's sometimes a nuisance to see that people who smoke mostly only hang out with other people who smoke. What about the people who don't? Where are they going to fit in?

I feel like in this college unless you drink or smoke, you can't really have fun because that's what most people are doing. And unless you have a car, you can't really get to the decent restaurants and stores. You're basically stuck on campus. So what do you do to pass the time? Nothing but study.

What a sad thought.

the start of the spring semester

The spring semester began about a week ago and it's off to a dull start. Not much news. Snow continued to accumulate, and my roommate was always out cold in his bed. Most of the time whenever I was up he's asleep and whenever I was asleep he's up.  

When it came to women I was going nowhere. So much that it became a foreign concept. I've given up having interest on this one girl after hearing rumors that she's been up to no good. The other girl graduated already so she's no longer here.

The people in most of my classes were the same from last semester so not much changed. Thus I had very little opportunities to get to know new people in class. I guess I reached that stage in college. The professors weren't so new either. 

If I had to force myself to blurt out something new, it would have to be the fact that the suite got a new suitemate. The 22-year-old computer science major hailed from Long Island and was known to type extremely fast. And that's about it. 

Two friends and I trekked our way to an Asian grocery market that was supposedly not very far from campus. We took a bus and got off right in the middle of the street. We ended up walking in the narrow, icy sidewalk for fifteen full minutes in the bitter cold. The grocery market was like no other. It was a large house crammed with all sorts of asian goods-- Chinese, Japanese, and Korean. There was a meat and seafood department, along with Asian fruits from dragon fruit to Asian pears. It was surprising to see that they had a wide selection of natto, along with seaweed paste and salted seaweed.  In the back they had packs of rice and Japanese shampoo and facial wash, and bowls and pans. Literally they had everything asian.

On the way back we trekked our way back. One friend slipped from the ice as if he was moonwalking. Overall it was a day full of good memories.